Dealing with Depression, symptoms and solutions #4

•  Oh, you fell and bruised yourself? Just apply this cream.

• Ouch! Did you fracture your arm? Get it plastered or put a cast around it.

• Oh, your back is hurting? You need to get a painkiller injection dude.

• Headache and cold? Just take a crocin man.

• Oh, fever? Take paracetamol and rest for a while, you will be fine.

• I'm thinking of visiting a doctor dude. Yes, you should, maybe get a full body checkup too, I will give you this number of my family doctor, he is really good.

• Depression? There is nothing like depression chill it's a phase, you ignore it and you will get over it.

• Therapist? What therapist?

• Psychiatrist? Kyu Tu Pagal thodi hai psychiatrist ke pass Jaane? (Why, Are you mental to visit a psychiatrist?)

When did our society decide to give priority and importance to certain illnesses and not even ignore but just plain deny certain illnesses?

So this will be my last blog post on this topic we were discussing since the last few days. Obviously, I will be posting other stuff related to mental health and I will also be posting my OG stories but just for this topic, This is going to be the last post and I will try to cover all the symptoms and all the solutions in this post itself.

I told you about a couple of symptoms like,

1. Daydreaming
2. Sadness
3. Hopelessness
4. Emptiness
5. Fatigue and exhaustion
6. Guilt
7. Worthlessness
8. Helplessness

Obviously, the symptoms don't end here. So one by one let us see what the rest of the symptoms are and also what you can do to overcome it.

Symptoms:

1). The first symptom we are going to talk about today is one of the most underrated symptoms of depression. It is also one of the symptoms that are misunderstood and never really associated with depression but it is more associated with the personality and the nature of the person. It is none other than frustration, anger or irritability.

  A lot of people including the researchers and therapists have mix feelings about anger as a symptom of depression. They do not really associate anger with depression. But I just tend to disagree with them and think anger and depression do have a strong connection. Now obviously I'm not from the science field, and obviously, the researchers are more educated then I am but what I have observed throughout these years, while I was going for my treatments or just from suffering from it, is that anger is a symptom of depression but when you add anger to the mixture, it doesn't come alone, personality disorders, bipolar or BPD follows it. In my case, it is BPD i.e. Borderline personality disorder.

I remember once I was really angry at something, I don't remember what but someone said to me, "Terko depression hai na? Toh tu gussa kyu ho Rahi hai? Terko to Rona chahiye" (You have depression so why are you angry you should be crying) and I didn't really understand then what the person meant. Now I do of course because I have come to this realisation that people have associated depression with only being sad and always crying. That is not the case, however. Because Anger, irritability and frustration are symptoms of depression. If you have these symptoms and you are consulting any psychiatrist, you should inform them about this symptom because there are chances they may change your medication.

You may be thinking why is anger not associated with depression? Now for that, we have to first understand what anger is. What is anger? It is an emotional outburst people use when they feel threatened by someone or something. If i have to quote google word by word then, "Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong." So when you think of a person with depression you only think of them having feelings like sadness, hopelessness and you don't really see a depressed person to have an outburst of anger. It is our assumption why this symptom goes unnoticed or is not associated with depression. It is we who speculate that the anger most likely will be projected inward.

It is actually considered good if a person with depression has emotional outbursts because it helps them be relieved of the distress which may be building up inside. In some individuals though who mostly project their anger inward, towards themselves, they may become a victim of this other symptom which we will talk about in some time.

2). So this next symptom we are going to talk about is sleep deprivation or sleeping too much and the loss of appetite or eating too much.

The first thing to keep in mind is that the hours of sleep you get at night and your mood throughout the day are interconnected. Your sleep can affect your mood likewise your mood can affect your sleep. If you are diagnosed with clinical depression it is likely that you may suffer from sleep deprivation or you may sleep excessively.

a). I have personally suffered from both. Until a few years back, I could sleep for 14-16-18 hours straight. I remember my dad calling me 'Kumbh Karan'. Just staying awake seemed exhausting for me, and being an overthinker, which is also one of the symptoms of depression. I would burden my mind with as many thoughts i could. Even staying awake seemed tiring, my body would ache, my brain would feel heavy and i would automatically just shutdown. Even now sometimes, when something really bad happens, like a past few days or weeks when people i knew died, or last year when a childhood friend of mine died. I couldn't cope up with the emotional burden and I slept for many many hours straight. A lot of people suffering from depression may be able to relate to what I'm saying. And it really doesn't have to be someone's death, just immense emotional burden and an excess amount of sadness can make people suffering from depression sleep for more hours than usual.

b). That was excessive sleeping, now people may also not seem to sleep, or be sleep-deprived, which I face now, since a few years. The longest I have gone without sleeping and I remember I was updating my Instagram every hour or so, it was a year or so back, i just couldn't sleep. I tried, but i couldn't. I went without sleep for almost 4 days straight, no naps whatsoever. It was one of the worst times in my life. I got a really bad headache, fever, I wasn't well for a couple of days. Everyone told me I should sleep. What they didn't understand was, i did try sleeping, but i couldn't. There may be many causes of sleep deprivation such as stress, hectic schedule, overthinking, a medical condition, hormonal imbalance, or a sleep disorder itself. You can also suffer from sleep deprivation because of your personal choices. Most of us, we don't follow a sleep schedule instead we surf on our mobile phones, we watch television, some people read books or some of us prefer to socialize with friends, which may lead to sleep deprivation and then depression. Also, note that if you have sleep disorder it doesn't mean that you have depression but sleep disorders may cause depression if left untreated.

c). Now let's talk about the loss of appetite. when you are depressed your brain and your body goes through a roller coaster of emotions which in result makes you feel stressed and your willingness to eat is lost. So basically short-term but intense stress makes you eat less because your brain is producing appetite-suppressing hormones which put eating on hold and allow your body and mind to focus on the issues in hand. Your unwillingness to eat is basically a chemical imbalance in your brain so that your body and mind can focus on other important issues. Now obviously you know what will happen to your body if you do not eat for a long period of time. some may eventually overcome the poor eating habits while some others may require professional help and support.

If you are suffering from the loss of appetite and it is not because of depression but weight-related issues. I know this is off topic but Let me tell you this, as long as your health is not at risk, your physical appearance does not matter. You may be short, tall, fat or thin, as long as you accept yourself and love yourself for who you are, others opinions do not matter.

I have been fat my whole life. I have been socially embarrassed, I have been judged, I have been told to lose weight, I have been told that I will look beautiful if I lose weight. I remember there was a time when these statements or such negative behaviour of people towards me affected me to the extent where I tried to self harm myself. But as I grew up I realised, everyone has opinions about everything. And you cannot please every single human being in your life. Now, none of the opinions of other people affects me, and most people have just stopped shaming me, seeing i don't give a sh*t about their opinions.

  So when you stop satisfying their egos, they will stop judging and shaming you. Do not stop eating if someone tells you that you are fat rather educate them and tell them, just because you have hair it doesn't mean you are a 'hair', just because you have nails, doesn't mean you are a 'nail'. Likewise, I have fat, I am not fat. Fat is a macronutrient just like protein, And I am not a macronutrient, I'm a human being. There is more you can say, but i will keep that for some other post.

People will only judge you when you will allow them to. Once you start accepting yourself the way you are and not bother about what people are saying they will eventually stop and accept you the way you are. Tell them that you love yourself the way you are, accept your body and your mind the way it is and cherish it. Anyway, let's move on.

d). Excessive eating or stress eating is another common symptom of depression. Just like intense stress can release appetite-suppressing chemicals, in the same way, in some people, the brain releases some chemicals which gives your body an adrenaline boost and makes some people suffering from depression constantly hungry. A lot of times when people suffering from depression overeat, it is because they are not satisfied and they use eating as a coping mechanism. They probably eat for emotional relief as opposed to eating because you're hungry. People who overeat most likely do it to numb the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and emptiness. Also, keep in mind that binge eating can be an early sign of depression. The chemical changes in your brain when you have an eating disorder and when you have depression are exactly the same. so sometimes it also becomes difficult to distinguish between an eating disorder and depression.

3). So the symptom I'm going to talk about right now is something I experience every single day. Seeing the person I was before, or a few years back or when I was in school and the way depression and it's symptoms, affected my life, if you know me since I was a kid, you will know that this symptom particularly has turned my life upside down for worst. The symptoms we are going to talk about are trouble in concentration, remembering things or details, and making decisions. Anxiety can also be the underlying cause of these symptoms and people suffering from both anxiety and depression are more likely to suffer from these symptoms.

I was a smart and bright student. I was a ranker, won all the competitions I took part in, basically an A grade student. Then slowly steadily things took a turn for the worst. A toxic atmosphere I would say I was living in. I'm not comfortable getting into details at the moment. So I will spare the details at least for now. I wanted to be a psychologist as a kid, not a psychiatrist but psychologist, there's a difference, one of them is psychologists do not prescribe medicines. Anyway, I also used to, I still do, draw really good. People always complimented me on how good my drawings were, as I grew up, I grew up to be a socially anxious girl, going on stage as a kid with full confidence, doing plays, winning elocution competitions, to just being afraid and anxious to even look at the crowd. Yet I tried under peer and parental pressure and failed miserably. The burden of the emotional and educational stress was too much to handle for that little girl, and I miserably collapsed. I forgot what I wanted to do in life. I forgot what I wanted to be. Making decisions on my own, for myself seemed one heck of a task, I forgot about my ambitions and just gave in to whatever my parents, sibling or friends decided for me.

This particular symptom at first compare to others may seem the least concerning but believe me this is one of the most toxic symptoms of depression. When you have trouble concentrating on a certain thing, let's say studies when you don't study, you fail. When you fail, you are not able to achieve the dreams you set for yourself and when you can't do that you feel hopeless. In the end, when you suffer from immense hopelessness and sadness it is likely that you will suffer from depression at some point. Now, this was just an example to tell you guys what these symptoms can do. There may be many other things and ways that these symptoms may affect your life. If you are suffering from any of these symptoms, please talk to a friend or a family member or the best thing to do, consult a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

4). Remember when we were talking about the first symptom and I said that people who project the anger inwards or towards themselves may become a victim of another symptom? The symptom we are going to talk about right now is a very destructive symptom. Not many people will understand the mindset of people who are the victim of this symptom in depression. This symptom may seem vague and not acceptable by society. But we cannot deny the fact that this is, in fact, a very serious symptom and millions of people every year are a victim of this symptom, they suffer from this symptom and many people lose their lives because of this symptom. Self-injury and self-harm, suicidal thoughts and suicide.

This is the symptom which a lot of people are secretive about but it is also the most common symptom in depression. I really don't think I need to tell you what self-injury and self-harm, suicidal thoughts and suicide is. Yet I should tell you that a lot of teenagers or adolescents have this habit of self-harming by cutting themselves to be relieved of emotional burden, stress and to basically feel something more than the emotional pain. In short, self-harm basically means hurting yourself on purpose. It can mean you cut yourself with a sharp object, you pull your hair in anger, you burn yourself or you prevent a certain wound from healing by constantly picking at it.

A lot of people use self-harm as a coping mechanism. I know I do. Self-harming for some can be a way to release mental pain. I know there are other ways and I will be giving the solutions shortly but self-harm is something very personal to me, something I have constantly done to cope with the mental pain. It is also something you cannot explain to people who have never experienced mental pain on a level you may have. For some people self-harming can be of shame due to the permanent scars and burns, from cutting and burning. But for some, it is just a way of life and just a coping mechanism. obviously, I am not promoting self-harm but sometimes with severe clinical depression there comes a time in life, when people suffering from all these, soo many symptoms, fall in such a dark abyss in their life that they feel the only escape from the immense pain they are in is self-harm, self-injury or suicide.

Other than cutting and burning there are other ways people may try to self harm such as drinking excessive alcohol, doing drugs, performing risky or life-threatening stunts, or even little things which we will most likely ignore such as crossing the road carelessly, et cetera.

We need to understand that self-harm or this symptom, in particular, is not a mental illness rather it is a coping mechanism. This symptom is most common in people suffering from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, borderline personality disorders and post-traumatic depression and disorders. Self-harm, in particular, is a symptom which will most likely occur in teenagers or young adults, it may also occur later in life depending upon the trauma a certain person is coping with. Also, a kid who is suffering from trauma, neglect or abuse may likely be a victim of this symptom. The person who is suffering from immense anger, frustration and irritability, the first symptom we talked about today, is more likely to be a victim of self-injury.

The person who is a victim of this symptom is stuck in a dangerous and a destructive cycle, his anger, frustration and irritability may lead him to self-injury then this self-injury leads to guilt and shame. The guilt and shame may lead to more negative emotions. These negative emotions again lead to self-injury. Then there comes a point in life where self-injury and self-harm may not seem to relieve the mental and emotional pain as much as it used to, that is when a person falls prey to suicidal thoughts and suicide.

Now let's talk about all the solutions there are to cope up with these symptoms of depression.

Solutions

1). So if you are an individual with a knack for creativity, you should definitely dive head in first in the creative spectrum of your life whenever you can. I know not everyone has the time but every single person on this planet is doing a 9 to 5, 9 to 7, 9 to 9, 9 to 11 job. At least once or twice a week, take some time out for yourself. Write a poem, paint or sketch painting, click pictures, write a song or sing a song maybe.

Just like you keep an excel sheet at work, make a personal excel sheet, give yourself some creative tasks, and accomplish them.

2). Take a shower, a long shower with scented body wash or exfoliator, feel that foam, put on some good music, and groove to it while bathing. Now, this may seem like a solution for girls, but boys and men i am talking to you guys as well. Don't be ashamed. If showering is not your thing then pamper your beard and cheeks with some good smelling aftershave, use some rejuvenating product of which smell will tingle for a while. Do it on Sunday if you can't every day or more than once a week. Pamper yourself.

3). If you are into cooking then make a nice homecooked meal for you. Something special, it can be your favourite dish, dessert, something you tried at a restaurant, anything but for you or your special ones, let's not be selfish here, but if you can make something for your own self to make you feel special, Then just go ahead do it. If you are not into cooking then order some nice hot meal, something you haven't tried before. We have soo many options now, there are soo many restaurants and cuisines. So treat yourself with something special.

4). If you are into gardening and you have a nice balcony or something, you can go plant some seeds or pamper the ones you already have. If you don't feel like getting your hands dirty. You can just go and sit by the plants, breathe in the fresh air, take some selfies or pictures, read a book by the plants.

5). Obviously, you can always watch a movie, play a game, also you can google, 'easter eggs or things you didn't notice about a certain movie', and find interesting trivia about the movie or show you are watching which will only make your experience more fun and interesting.

6). If you are into Gymnastics, yoga, dance, if you like exercising, you can put some groovy music and swing your body to the tune. If you can do it in an open space, like your balcony, terrace or a park, then definitely go for it. If you are anxious, then I will suggest you do it at your own comfortable spot, if you still feel like going out, then go along a friend you trust.

7). This is for people who self-harm. I read this and tried it a few years ago. It did work ultimately but I didn't really heed it, But if you can then you definitely should.

a). Buy yourself a rubber wristband. If you are not into wearing anything on your wrist or If buying a band is not possible, then use a rubber band, the one we use to seal things.

b). Anytime you feel like, self-harming, wear that rubber band on your wrist.

c). As the urge to self-harm kicks, snap the rubber band on your wrist until the feeling for self-harm is gone.

Now I know some people may not agree with this solution. But take it from someone who has been self-harming since she was 12 years of age. I have permanent scars from cutting I can't get rid of and i wish someone told me earlier as a kid of this technique Because a day of swelling sounds much better than a whole lifetime of scars. So yes, this technique, this solution may sound, violent maybe, but this violence is nothing compared to the violence when there is blood dripping down the wrist.

8). Now, raise your hands if you don't like Chocolates? Okay, i see a lot of hands up, we will find something else for you guys, but those of you who love chocolates, I will suggest you keep a stash of chocolate in your pouch or bags or wallet. Nowadays you get these tiny chocolates, so you can keep those in your bag or wallet and eat them whenever you feel down. Those people who don't eat chocolates can eat Mints, or jellies, or hard candies. If you are not into any of these, then you can eat flavoured saunp(fennel seeds), khadi saakhar( I don't know if you have heard this before, in Marathi it is called khadi saakhar, these are tiny cubes of sugar, you can find them in any grocery shops) Or dry fruits and nuts. If anyone is wondering why am i suggesting eating, it is because eating your favourite things release adrenaline, the feel-good chemical, which makes you feel good of course.

9). I understand, not everyone is into animals, but some of you who do love animals, can carry a small biscuit packet with them every day in their bags or you can buy of course but whenever you get time, maybe you are at work or during lunchtime or tea time, you are out and see any animal, mostly street dogs you will find, but feed them, pet them, obviously wash your hands once you are in the office but helping someone also helps your brain release the feel-good chemical. So go ahead, don't be shy, help someone in need.

10). This is one of the simplest one but, it really helps. Early morning or in the evening, when the sun is not at it's hottest. Get out and get sunlight. Sunlight can actually help you boost your mood. Let the sunrays dance on your cheeks and tingle your skin. Close your eyes and feel the breeze. Make sure to watch a sunset or a sunrise at least once or twice a week. If you can do it every day or more than once a week. Just do it. Also, make sure your whole focus is on you, yourself, your inner self, the Sunrays, and the breeze, no cellphones, no disturbance.

11). Find all the things that make you happy, like photos albums and memories you may love to reminiscence, childhood toys you may still have, the first love letter you wrote or a poem or song you wrote, a favourite painting of yours or a childhood diary you still have, things related to your family members or pets which remind you of happy things, anything that brings back happy memories, put everything in a box in a secure manner, now put the box somewhere from where you can access it easily. Whenever you feel down or you are in need of relief, pull out this box and look at all your favourite things.

Whenever you feel suicidal, try to distract yourself by doing one of the above tasks, or any of the tasks mentioned earlier in my blog. The best solution to this feeling is a distraction. Hug a pillow or your pet tight, if you are away from your loved one and try to distract your mind with other things. It is difficult for me to say this, with suicidal thoughts in my own mind. But suicide is really not the solution. It sounded soo fake of me to say that. But it is the truth. No matter how tough the days seem. You have to hold on. If nothing helps and you feel like you have no one left you can share your true feelings with. Drop a message down in the comment box. I will reach to you.

I already gave away a few solutions earlier so I am not going to mention them again. I am trying to not repeat what I already wrote. So if you find solutions like writing down your feelings, connecting with friends and family, missing, then I have already told you guys these solutions. You can check out my earlier blogposts by scrolling down.

I read this quote somewhere, 'From the outside, looking in, it's hard to understand. From the inside, looking out, it's hard to explain'. It sums up everything soo well. Anyway, I'm not an expert. So all the solutions I talked about are mostly which I have personally executed and they have helped me, some are which i feel they will help, even if i don't do them regularly. Everyone is built differently so what may work for me. It may or may not work for you. If you are not satisfied with the solutions I mentioned and you have anything you do that you think may help other people, feel free to write down those things in the comment section below. Thank you for reading, don't forget to share it with people who you think may find this blog helpful. Take care you guys, be safe. 

Dealing with Depression, symptoms and solutions #3

     Ba ba Black sheep 

      have You any guilt?

     Yes sir, yes sir,  

       a whole life's worth of it.  

      Ba ba black sheep 

       do you feel worthless? 

      Yes sir, yes sir,  

       and also helpless. 

  

         I always felt like the black sheep of my family. You know the odd one out. I was always told that I am extra sensitive, extra dramatic, extra reactive and I should calm down. I never understood really why was I told that because in my brain, the reactions, and the way I behaved, seemed normal. A lot of times, I felt guilty and it didn't really matter who was at fault. After fighting, screaming, crying, at the end of the day, when I lied down in my bed, I hugged my pillow tight, and silently cried with an aching throat as I blamed myself for everything that was in my control and also that which wasn't in my control. I would even think, "why was I even born? I don't want to live anymore. I just want to escape, die perhaps, but not be alive or be here. I just wanted to stop. Just stop". My brain sometimes couldn't even comprehend it's own thoughts. I felt worthless of anything in this world, I felt as if I didn't even deserve living on this planet. I felt suicidal, I felt helpless, and I made myself believe that no matter what I do, it will always be worthless in the eye of others. I felt as if I didn't matter. I know that Matter is anything that occupies space and has mass, my brain is cracking science jokes as I write this emotional post. I am silly and cracking silly jokes is just my brain's mechanism dealing with emotional stuff. Anyway, let's talk about today's topic in-depth.

Symptom #3

Guilt, worthlessness and helplessness are some of the symptoms of depression and it is also our 3rd topic today. Now before we move on, take a minute and think, have you ever being guilty of something? Anything? And how long has the guilt lasted? Frankly, we all feel guilty every now and then, but for a healthy brain, guilt works as a positive thing, motivating the person to do good things and avoid bad things. A healthy brain can usually and unconsciously make a person make good choices, and help them avoid being a target of self-loathing. Whereas a chemically imbalanced brain such as mine makes me feel culpable than that of others. In my personal experience, even the little things I didn't do or I did which didn't even lead to any bad consequences or didn't even affect anyone's or my life has made me feel guilty. 

The guilt in a person suffering from depression doesn't necessarily is there because of something major. It accompanies the feeling of worthlessness and helplessness, then it becomes a trap holding the person back from happiness. Guilt steals the joy out of your life and makes it difficult for you to even make the simplest of decisions. For example, I don't like public gatherings or big crowds, even a family get together with a lot of relatives and members seems frightening and exhausting to me, and when I have to attend, I am very stiff, it seems as if I have a huge wall around me, I may seem arrogant and distanced, and only talk to one or two people I feel most comfortable with, also I am always very defensive, now this is if I attend any gatherings if I don't then I will feel guilty. I may not feel guilty at first but as the day will pass, I may be doing other things, but my mind will somehow be circulating around the gathering or the get together i missed out and it will keep me away from fully dedicating myself to the in-hand task.

Okay, let me explain it to you this way. Imagine a graph, there are two lines on the graph with zig-zag pattern one above( growth rate a bit faster) and one below(growth rate a bit slower) but they both r going upwards, the line above is of happiness, let's say it's the get-together line we were talking about earlier. And the line below is of other activities I would do if I miss out on the get-together. But people with depression who suffer from immense guilt are neither on the line above nor on the line below, but somehow stuck in the middle portion. The grey zone. They can't really join the line above neither can they focus on the line below. This usually eats up the positive energy and drive of the person, which will make them feel helpless and worthless. Now you may ask then why not just go to the gathering? I have already explained it to you how people with depression may feel in such a situation when I gave you an example in the above paragraph.

Have you ever seen an elephant tied up with chains around its leg? A puny chain attached to a wooden or metal, stump or a nail in the ground. Do you really think a 4000-kilogram elephant cannot break out of that chain? it's obvious that it is not the chain that is holding the elephant in place. You see, they are tied up in one place with those chains since the elephant is just a calf. As a calf to break out of the metal chain is quite difficult. A calf tries to break free of the chains a lot of times and fail. Over time as the calf grows to become this huge elephant, it's mind is already manipulated in thinking that the chains are unbreakable. Obviously, human minds and this situation the elephants are in are two different things. Human minds are quite complex but I gave you this elephant example because we humans tend to fall prey to a similar manipulation by our own mind, which in psychology is called, 'Learned helplessness'. 

It is one of the most maddening and the most miserable state of our brains. It is when you are stuck in a situation but you don't even try to escape it even when you know a way out. To explain it in an easy way, I'm pretty sure at least once, everyone must have heard someone saying, "boht hasra tha na, isliye abhi aisa hua", (the reason that something bad happened is because earlier you were laughing a lot). Now saying this once, doesn't really affect anyone, but experiencing the same situation a couple of times and hearing it from everyone over and over, your mind tends to believe it. A lot of times I feel, I shouldn't really be happy, I shouldn't really be laughing, and most of the time, after I have laughed a lot when the sadness hits, it hits hard, the hurt is felt deeper and your brain falls prey to the illogic that it is because I was soo happy earlier that I have to be sad now.

No matter how hard you try to not think about it, every time when you laugh a lot when you are the happiest, you always have this thing in the back of your mind that, 'Abhi has raha hu, baadme rounga'. (I'm laughing a lot now, later on, I'm going to cry). In other words, just because there is happiness now, something bad will soon follow. We tend to forget that happiness and sadness follow each other, one cannot constantly just experience only one of the above feelings.

Now for the big question, what can one do to overcome or help themselves out of these really miserable symptoms? Let's see...

Solution #3

1). The first thing you can do is, take some time off and relax. It may not be possible for everyone but it is necessary to take some time off if you are experiencing any of the symptoms we are discussing today. Take a break. Do not stress yourself. Relax at home or go out somewhere. 

2). If you know someone who is suffering from any of these symptoms, give them a little gift, it can be as simple as a handwritten card. Tell them you have their backs, and they are worthy and deserve everything that the world has to offer. 

3). Make them feel accepted and don't judge them. Often people who are suffering from depression and especially the days when these symptoms are at work, mostly during festivities times, or at times when they are supposed to gift their loved one's something. People suffering from depression may tend to feel guilty for various reasons, such as:

a). Not being able to afford a gift. 

b). Think their gift is as worthless as they feel inside, so they feel embarrassed and then guilty of even choosing that particular gift.

c). Comparing the size of the gift with others and feeling guilty and embarrassed.

d). Being anxious to go out in public stores. So making a handmade gift and then feeling embarrassed thinking they might seem as misers.

Frankly, there can be many reasons but these are a few one's I could come up with. And gifting is one of the examples I gave, so you understand what goes through the mind of a person suffering from guilt in depression. 

4). You can always reach out to your parents, friends, anyone who you think is going to be supportive of you, if you don't trust anyone enough in your life to reach out to, you can always take help from a therapist. My blog isn't about telling you guys to go to the doctor very frankly, but there is nothing wrong with getting treatment.

 After years of suffering alone, some 4 to 5 years ago I told my dad, that I couldn't take it anymore and I would rather kill myself then keep living like this. He didn't know what depression was until then, he never knew mental health-related issues ever existed. Yet together we went to a psychiatrist. I knew I was suffering from depression but I never thought I would involve my father and my family in this. I was diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and Borderline personality disorder. All the things my father have never heard of or knew until that point. Also, I didn't think I needed medical help until that point in my life. Though I still suffer from all those conditions. The only reason I am still here, alive, is because of that one day and the courage I managed to gather that day to talk to my father instead of taking a drastic, life-endangering step. Yes, I wouldn't be here, trying to help you guys and try to make people aware of mental health-related issues if I hadn't gathered the courage that day to tell my Father that I was suffering.

And the only reason I shared this little backstory is because of the 4th solution I have suggested, it may seem quite vague to some people, and not everyone is ready to see a psychiatrist or a psychologist. Also, not a lot of people are ready to tell their family that they may be suffering from a mental disorder, thinking their parents or siblings may not understand. You won't know if they will support or not if you don't tell them. So before taking any drastic steps, just once gather some courage and try to talk.

5). Now this solution may also seem a little vague, but I'm just saying this from personal experience, as you know now, that guilt in people with depression can manifest their brains and make them self-loathe easily, Wear loose and comfortable clothes. Yes, you heard me right. Dress comfortably. You know I have actually sat in the window of a B.E.S.T Bus and contemplated over my life decisions just because of an uncomfortable top I was wearing. Yes, The guilt of wearing a particularly uncomfortable top, made me contemplate on my life's decisions. So wear comfortable clothes guys. 

6). Now, this may be quite a difficult thing to do for a few people. So let's just get with it.

    a). Make a list of things 'you think you did' are just unforgivable or things you regret or feel guilty about. Just try to write as many things as you can that make you feel guilty, helpless and worthless. 

     b). Now cross out all the things which are not in your control. For example, if being born is your regret and something you feel guilty about then dude, that is totally your parents doing, you are not at all at fault. I would have written something like this in the list, so just saying, if you too have, then please cross it out.

      c). Now you must have a list of things which are in your control.

      d). Having a list of things you can control means, you can change how things are. So now try to come up with solutions to the things you have in your list. 

      e). Lastly, one thing at a time, try to follow up on the solutions you came up with. One by one, Slowly steadily follow whatever solutions you came up with until your list is empty of those 'unforgivable things'. 

7). Talk to your own self like you would talk to your loved ones trying to identify why you did what you did and what is it you can do to overcome it. Try to talk in a foreign language or a second or third language you know and not in your mother tongue. Obviously, I don't know the science behind it, I'm just talking from personal experience. I don't know what is the logic behind it but every time I have talked to myself in some other language and not Marathi, which is my mother tongue. I have given myself such good advice and also cracked some really funny jokes. So try it, and let me know how it worked. 

8). Try to adopt a new pattern of doing things. If you used to do a certain thing a certain way, you can try doing that same thing a different way. But see that it doesn't exhaust you but make you happy. If it isn't making you happy go back doing what you use to until you find some other way of doing it. 

      I think this is it for today. I have been writing this for the past 6 hours now, maybe more. Living with a mental disorder is a really tough job. You are never resting or relaxing even when you physically are. I know and that is why I'm here, trying to help. If you have anything to say, you have the comments section, feel free, no one is going to judge you, I promise. Take care and be safe you guys. 

Dealing with Depression, symptoms and solutions #2

      Ever felt exhausted, Drained of energy, sluggish even when you had a full night's sleep? If you find it difficult to do the simplest of tasks like, getting out of bed, walking towards the refrigerator when your throat is parched, Combing your hair, even watching tv or just texting back someone, if these or other simple tasks seem draining to you then you may have Fatigue, which is one of the symptoms of depression and our 2nd topic today.

First of all, let us understand what fatigue is. Many people, actually most of the people consider depression as just a mental disorder which affects your mood and feelings, what they don't know is that one of the other common symptoms of depression is Fatigue which actually affects your physical well-being.

Fatigue can cause headaches, cramps, upset stomach and unexplained pains in various parts of your body. Now tell me, have you ever experienced this? you are sitting at home, watching tv, surfing on your mobile phone or reading a book, you have had a good night's sleep, yet you are feeling exhausted, your body feels jammed, and suddenly a piercing pain in a random area of the body. You close your eyes, twitch your body, moan in pain and suddenly the pain is gone, then you just go back doing what you were doing, if you have ever experienced anything like this, then that my friend is fatigue.

Fatigue is actually a little destructive as it makes people exhausted and they stop participating in social experiences and enjoyable activities. They don’t have the energy or endurance to cope up with social activities. They isolate themselves. A lot of people just lie in their beds doing nothing for days. Fatigue in depression particularly as I said before, makes you not want to do the simplest of tasks, even tasks related to personal hygiene or eating.

Fatigue is like a thief which robs your brain of the feel-good chemicals we talked about yesterday I.e. dopamine and serotonin. One of those chemicals serotonin actually helps you regulate your internal body clock. So the lack of this particular chemical in your brain makes your body tired.

Also, we have to understand that having fatigue doesn't always mean you have depression. Yes, you heard it right. Fatigue syndrome is actually an individual condition which causes people to have a continuous feeling of being exhausted and tired. If you have fatigue without the melancholy feeling then you may have chronic fatigue syndrome and not depression. Depression and chronic fatigue syndrome are two different conditions that can make you feel extremely tired or exhausted, even after a good night’s sleep. It’s possible to have both conditions at the same time. It’s also easy to mistake feelings of fatigue for depression and vice-versa. 

So how do you distinguish between Depression and fatigue?

1. The main difference between these conditions is that chronic fatigue syndrome is a physical disorder while depression is a mental health disorder. 

2. People with chronic fatigue syndrome and depression both have sleep disorders one of which is insomnia but the feeling of sadness, emptiness and hopelessness can be experienced by those suffering from depression while people with fatigue will only have the feeling of tiredness. 

3. One more distinguishing factor can be the desire to engage in activities. People who have fatigue wish to do things, but lack energy, whereas people with depression generally just have lower or no interest in activities.

4. We also need to note that the want to participate but not being able to do anything can put people with fatigue at risk for developing depression.

Now before moving on. Here is a little extra fact about fatigue. 

People suffering from any of the below-mentioned illness or sickness are more likely to suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. Which may or may not lead to depression if left untreated. 

1. Anaemia 

2. Diabetes

3. Thyroid problems

4. Hepatitis C

5. Sleep disorders like insomnia and sleep apnea

6. Weak digestive system

7. Urinary tract infection

8. Food sensitivities

9. Heart diseases

10. Anxiety disorder

11. Nasal congestion

12. Also if you are already being treated for depression then taking antidepressants can sometimes make symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome worse.

Solution #2

          It is said that Social engagement like being out with your friends and family, meeting new people, interacting with everyone, getting to know new people is good for human beings as we are considered to be social animals, who live in groups. Very frankly just writing this paragraph exhausted me as I am the most socially distanced person ever. If someone tells me to go out with friends, have dinner or lunch in a nice restaurant or just hang out with a bunch of friends, that is excruciatingly exhausting for me. So I know some people with depression fatigue may not be able to do things and activities that people suffering from chronic fatigue syndrome may be willing to do and vice verse. Still, i am going to mention all the solutions I know and you can choose whichever one you might find easier.

Now there are several things that can help people with chronic fatigue syndrome, depression, or both and they are,

1. Deep breathing exercises

You don't have to take any extra timeout of your day for breathing exercises. Suppose you are at your desk at work. Sitting in front of your computer, waiting for an email or a phone call. Instead of checking your phone's notification or play a quick game or sit fidgeting, you can actually do some breathing exercises.

One of which I will tell you right now. 

a). Remember these numbers 4 7 8.

b). Keep your mouth closed and breathe in through your nostrils while mentally counting till 4.

c). Now hold your breath for 7 seconds.

d). Lastly, exhale through your mouth while making an 'O' shape with your lips(just like when you blow out birthday candles, but this time in slow motion).

e). Repeat this for a couple of minutes

2. Massage.

a). If you can and have the facility, the time, money or a source where you can get yourself a massage then it can help you with Depression as well as fatigue syndrome. 

What about those who can't afford or have the luxury of massages?

b). Well, you can ask your family member or your loved ones for a quick oil Champi (oil head massage).

c). If you still can't do that, you can do it yourself, I know it sounds sadistic but it isn't. When you are stuck in traffic on the bus or in your own car, maybe you are just sitting waiting for someone or just while talking to someone, you can do quick fingers, hands or toes and feet massages and exercises. For example, you can close your palm tightly then open it, do this a couple of times and it will help with the blood flow of your hands.

d). Massage the back of your neck with your hands slowly going down to your spine and also the back of your shoulder muscles a couple of times in a day. Apply the right amount of pressure. How do you calculate the right amount of pressure? When you feel a little pressure on muscles but it doesn't stretch your skin or when you don't feel any pain then that is your right amount of pressure. You can also rub your hands against each other so your palms are a little warm and then massage yourself.

3. Warmth

a). You can use a warm water bag and apply on the parts of your body which feel stiff.

b). If you don't have a warm water bag or you are out in public in need of a little warmth or When your head starts feeling a little heavy from fatigue, rub your hands against each other until they are nice and warm, then put your palms on your eyes and face then slowly slide them down from the side of your face to the back of your neck and back to the front. Repeat it a couple of times.

 Note: 

Do not try this while at meetings or in an interview because fidgeting is a sign of anxiety and lower self-esteem, so you definitely don't want that when you are in the middle of something important.

4. Stretching

Same applies for stretching. You can do little finger hand exercises, legs and feet stretching while sitting on your chair. Also, don't forget to get up and give a stretch to that poor back of yours every few hours.

5. Join a social activity class.

 You can join a dance class or perhaps a martial arts class, gym, aerobics or maybe a Zumba class anything that will help you open up and move your body.

6. Developing good sleeping habits.

I know, look who's talking. I am a night owl and at times I don't sleep for days, then there are days where I sleep for 48 hours straight, not really sleep but lie in my bed. But from personal experience, when I did follow a good sleep pattern I have actually felt quite better than when I didn't have a sleep schedule. So if you can follow a sleep schedule and maintain it then you should definitely do it.

So I personally have a very bad sleeping schedule. I hope while trying to help you guys I can help myself too hence I went and did some research to promote good sleeping patterns.

The first thing that I understood is needed to maintain a good sleep schedule is, 

a). Everyday sleep at the exact same time.

Even if you are not sleepy. Close your eyes and just lie down.

b). You can also create an environment that promotes sleep. 

Get extra pillows, put certain coloured lights(whichever colour you prefer), play sleep sounds and melodies in low volume, make sure the room is cool or warm according to your personal preference.

c). Do not take naps during the day. If you have to then take naps no more than 20 to 30 minutes long.

d). Avoid caffeine-rich food items or basically food items which can prevent you from falling asleep.

7. Hang out with friends or the people you love. 

Now, this option may sound simple for people who don't have depression, anxiety or fatigue issues. I'm aware hanging out can be dauntingly exhausting sometimes. But if you can hang out with your friends or family without getting tired then you should definitely do it. If you feel uncomfortable with a lot of people. You can hang out with fewer close friends only. And those who just cannot go out and hang out with friends or family. I have another solution below for you guys.

8. Time to do something related to your hobby

On my previous blog, in part 1 of this series I told you guys, not to do anything related to your hobby when you feel like the first symptom we discussed yesterday (you can just scroll down on this very same page for the part 1, of course first you got to read this). 

You can try doing something related to your hobby when you feel fatigued. Of course, you will have to push yourself a little bit, When you are fatigued you won't feel frustrated which you would usually feel if you are experiencing other symptoms. Rather you will be reluctant or unwilling but once you start doing what you love, you will actually be more focused on that one thing only. 

If I have to share a personal experience, I love sketching, I love painting but I can't paint when I feel sad, or empty or hopeless, and if I try to paint then the littlest mistakes frustrate me, they anger me. If I'm feeling more fatigued than sad, I won't really bother getting frustrated or angry because that requires a lot of energy, which my body won't have at that moment, so I will be more focused on what I'm doing while trying to use as less energy as I can on that particular task. Which is also a time when sometimes I come up with great ideas or as we Indians call it 'Jugaad'.

So that's it for today people. I know today's post is quite long compared to the previous one but I tried to put as much information as I could but if you still have any questions then you have the comments section. Feel free to ask anything. We will discuss the 3rd symptom tomorrow so make sure to subscribe to get notified about the latest blog posts. Take care you guys, be safe. 

Dealing with Depression, symptoms and solutions #1

So I read this Arabic saying that goes this way, "You want to die? Then throw yourself into the sea and you'll see yourself fighting to survive. You do not want to kill yourself, rather you want to kill something inside of you. you want to kill your circumstances. you want to kill your pain". 

 I have felt suicidal, a lot of times perhaps. Even now as I write this, this article on my blog, sitting on my bed, looking at the ceiling, then looking at my wrist, calculating the easiest way to perish, a less painful way with less suffering maybe, but do I really want it? Don't worry I have felt this way a lot of times, my mind has been in dark, darker places before. 

Sometimes, I wish there was a world, a dream world, a metaphysical world where you could check out of your real life for a while and check-in and live in this simulation, while your body is preserved with some advanced science tools or something, deep freezing your body may be, lowering the metabolism just the way frogs and bears do during the winter season or the way Captain America did, just saying Or maybe just ceasing to exist and everyone being oblivious to it after it happens. 

I daydream a lot, a trait most depressed people have or more like, suffer from. I also lucid dream a lot, maybe it is my way of 'feeling like I have control over everything' or just plain escaping the toxicity of this world. Frankly speaking, I don't know what today's blog post is about. Well, my blog is about, 'trying to spread awareness about Depression and other mental health-related problems and my OG stories of course'. Then I have other blog posts where I'm trying to decipher my mind and thoughts.

 Do you know other than daydreaming, there are more than 10 symptoms of depression? Let us check them out one by one so we can help people we know, people we love, by recognizing the traits and giving them a helping hand.

 Well, now we know what today's blog post is about. I started blank, I wrote as tears streamed down my cheeks, but here I am now, still trying to hold on, fight, knowing how vile the world is. Today's blog post may not be the best thing I have written and it may seem all over the place, but bear with me as I bear with myself. 

So let's just get to the symptoms of depression.

Symptom #1

•  The first symptom we are going to talk about is the feeling of sadness, emptiness and hopelessness. This is the most common symptom and everyone is aware of it. Most of the people associate depression with this symptom only, which is not right at all. This sadness is more than just once in a Blue Moon blues, it is a more permanent and a most common feeling. It is a feeling where, even when the corner of your lips is curved upwards being aware of the emptiness within. It's when you are surrounded by your friends when you are laughing and suddenly your mind halts. Your body is still imitating the same laughter as everyone else yet your mind refuses to participate. When the world seems a tad bit different, your vision a tad bit darker, and your lungs out of breath. A punch on your chest, a pulsing ring in your ears, tears in your eyes, a scream in your throat, a few seconds arduous than a day. 

Solution #1

• The solution to overcome this feeling according to my personal experience has always been venting out, talking or just writing something for my blog. That's why sometimes you see me making many videos just talking about various topics or you see me excessively posting long paragraphs, which obviously are not read by many. 

• Now I understand, talking is not what everyone finds easy and are willing to do. For them, I can suggest writing down their feelings. You can write paragraphs if you wish or just a few points. Download a diary app from the play store or the app store, I personally recommend 'Evernote' but you can download any diary or note-keeping app or you can keep a traditional journal or a diary which you can share with a select few who you think will understand you or keep it private if you wish, it completely depends on you, of course, no pressure.

• What about them who doesn't like writing? You will find many, and I'm telling you, many peaceful melodies on YouTube, mostly under the name of sleep sounds. Put on those melodies and take a nap. Believe me, Naps are great for everything. They are like antibiotics which go with all the medicines. 

• Now, what about those people who don't feel like sharing, who don't feel like writing, who don't have the privilege of taking a nap, or are just too sad to do anything. Believe me, I know the intensity of sadness in depression can exhaust you even if you have been sitting in the corner of your house for a whole day or two. So what can those individuals do? Of course, they can do something related to their hobby, but I personally suggest not doing anything related to your hobby as you are likely to be out of focus at such times and this may lead to irritability and frustration, which may lead you to more hopelessness and disappointment. 

Rather watch a movie or a standup comedy on YouTube, read memes on Facebook, avoid Instagram as looking at other people's lifestyles and selfies is not at all a great way to deal with sadness, it will only get worst. Instead, surf on Facebook or YouTube, watch a movie or standup comedy as I suggested before.

• Make and drink a hot cup of chocolate milk, Tea(Normal Chai or Green tea any) or coffee. A hot cup and not a cold cup. I don't know the science behind it and it obviously has not been proven, yet there are a couple of organizations who have done the research and claim that hot cup of tea or coffee increases dopamine and serotonin, and you just feel better. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain, so you tweak it by increasing the 'feel-good chemical' dopamine in your brain by drinking some hot tea. Obviously, this is a temporary solution and not the permanent, absolute solution for depression.

        So this was it, this was the first symptom of depression. I have posted only those solutions which I have personally tried and experienced upfront. So I'm not just making things up. I started writing this post about 2 to 3 hours back with tears in my eyes and my head heavy with all the emotions bottled up. But here I am, applying the solution I recommended, Writing. I was supposed to write about all the symptoms of depression in this blogpost itself but seeing the length of this post, I have decided to write each symptom in a different blog post which I will be posting every day since today, Which will also allow me to write in-depth. So don't forget to subscribe to my blog.

You guys better take care, be safe, and tomorrow I will be posting the second symptom and solutions blogpost. So keep reading my blog, share it, see you tomorrow. If you have any more solutions you can recommend to help people in distress then do write in the comments below. Peace ✌️ 

What makes Depression different from Coronavirus?

No matter where you live, you either know someone who is struggling with depression or other mental disorders or you have dealt with it yourself. Depression is one of the leading causes of mental disability in this world we live in. Depression can manifest itself as post-trauma, childhood trauma, societal stigma and embarrassment, bullying, postpartum depression in mothers who recently gave birth, frankly there are many other causes. But for some, it is a way of life. 

Many people don't even consider they have depression. They consider their sleeplessness or sleeping a lot, their aches and pains, their lack of energy and focus, and other things to be something more physical rather than mental. Many people are just not willing to accept the fact that they are mentally disabled because they don't think society, their family and friends will accept it. I personally feel society, our friends, even our family sees Mental illness as something like fiction or made-up thing, and not the truth of this world we live in. Why is depression such a taboo in our society when nearly 300 million people of all ages suffer from it? 

Coronavirus is a pandemic because it is contagious and kills people, yet depression is not an epidemic, although it is not contagious yet kills nearly 800,000 people a year. What makes depression different from Coronavirus, both are killing people, right?

Many people think depression is just being sad all the time, one of the many reasons can be the influence of Our Bollywood movies, and songs. The portrayal of someone being depressed in the movies or songs is either him being a drunk or an addict, and it hurts me to say but, or a psychopath. Whereas if it's a girl, she can just kill herself. This is not me making things up. You know it, you have seen it. Bollywood has the habit of stereotyping, being hypocritical and spurious. We are constantly fed that and unconsciously we are brainwashed. 

Tell me one thing, ever in your lifetime, have you ever randomly found yourself looking at the scars on someone's wrist and instantly thought, "girlfriend-boyfriend ka chakkar hoga", or "Boyfriend chhodke bhaag gaya hoga" (Must be some Girlfriend-boyfriend issues or her boyfriend must have left her). I have one word for you, Bollywood. Also one of the other reasons I'm writing this article on my blog is Bollywood, Sushant Singh Rajput, gone too soon, Rest in peace. 

His death made me realise how many superficial people are there in this world. Depression must be trending in India Today along with Sushant's death. I have all my respect for him and I in no way mean to disrespect him, but isn't it the fact? How many of you people who are saying, and writing posts like, " be there for your friends, you never know what one may be going through", have actually shut people off while they tried to tell you about their mental health? How many of you have told them that, "Arey aisa kuch nahi hota re, khush rehneka", or "Tu dhyaan mat de, apna mind kisi aur cheez me laga", or "kya roti rehti/rehta jab dekho, tereko akeli/akele ko problem nahi hai, Duniya me kitne logon ke pass kuch nahi hai fir bhi khush hai" 

("Nothing is like that, be happy", or "You don't pay any attention to it, focus on something else, you will be fine", or "Don't be a cry baby, you are not the only one with problems, people have it worse") How many of you have actually said any of these things or anything closely related to above sentences? how many of you have heard this?

Deep in my mind somewhere I know this awareness is just because of the shock factor which Sushant's death had us in. I know this awareness that you all have right now will slowly turn to ignorance in these coming days or weeks. The 'trend' of 'awareness' will fade soon. People will forget Because depression vepression kuch nahi hota hai, positive think karneka, sab theek ho jayega. (Because depression and all is nothing dude, think positive and everything will be fine) and the depressed ones will again be lying in their bed thinking, "haath kaatu ya pankhe se latak jau?" (Should I cut my wrist or hang myself by the fan?).