Welcome to my little corner of chaos! Here you'll find a blend of heartfelt rants, thoughtful insights, scattered short stories, and an endless stream of overthinking. It's a space where I pour my thoughts, cherish life’s idiosyncrasies, and let the creativity flow - one word at a time.
Featured Post
The House That Waited
Dust, Dreams and Memories ...
28 December 2018
By the Magic Fountain...
21 December 2018
Untamed
17 December 2018
A jump out of life
I stood on top of the concrete balustrade of my building. The whole city was twinkling yellow and white. My hair flowing in the breeze, I could feel the wind pushing against me. I could feel my legs shaking. I trembled to the core as I stood on the cold concrete, bare feet. I looked over the edge, I could see the streets decorated in bright yellow lights. I saw a few people walking by, they looked so tiny, almost insignificant from where I was. Tears ran down my face but I swallowed and looked up. Took a deep breath, turned around, fell back, a loud thud and soon it was dark.
14 December 2018
Not a Phase...
I am an introvert, who is socially awkward most of the time. I can not talk to people before rehearsing what I have to say 100 times. Yes, social anxiety. A subject which is not well dealt with in this society we live in. There is another subject which goes hand in hand with social anxiety, and that subject is " Depression". Now, what has this to do with not expecting anything from anyone?
A lot of individuals face something unknown within them every day. A heaviness which can neither be comprehended nor can be subjugated, a heaviness of something unknown which affects their lives on a day to day basis. This heaviness can make the individual incapable of doing the simplest of tasks. I remember, once when I was with my girlfriends hanging out, having the time of my life. Suddenly a switch turned off in my brain. I switched from laughing to looking at my friends dumb, as if I wasn't present at that moment, as if suddenly I got lost somewhere, somewhere dark. Though I was physically present there, my mind had wandered off somewhere. I could see my friends laughing, joking and the only thing I could think of was, why am I like this? Why now? Why when I was having the best time with my girls? Where does this heaviness come from? And why me? I was drowning in the questions raised by my own brain when all of a sudden another question popped in my brain. This question left me startled. It had to be a couple of weeks since I started feeling this heaviness. No matter where I'd be, whenever this heaviness came and I was lost in the darker dimension of my brain, there was not a single person to notice this dissimilarity. So the question popped into my mind was, "How can they not notice it?
I have been working with them for over a year now, but then I remembered not even my parents were able to notice this change. You brought me to this world mother. I grew up in your lap daddy but it didn't matter because this heaviness wasn't something which was physically visible. Apart from a heavy heart, which I felt internally, there were no external changes in my demeanor. While I was well aware of the fact that no physical changes were visible, I still had this emptiness from people not realizing it on their own. Expectations. Expecting people to notice, to make sense of what I was feeling was obtuse of me. I can never get rid of this heaviness if all I do is expect people to help me, I can't get rid of this wretchedness hoping for someone to pull me out of it. when I am just sitting here expecting for a miracle to happen. I know that, and a lot of people do too. We know, no one can help us but Our own selves.
Our minds lost in the darker dimensions but body present here doing its thing. No change in the demeanor. No pain felt. But psychologically not able to function. What a complicated concept! Maybe that's why society doesn't really understand it. Obviously, it's too much to grasp. But I don't feel its more important to "understand" what your loved one is going through but important is to accept it and be okay with it and help them through it. Of course, if you can't comprehend things how are you going to accept and lend them your shoulders, right? As I said it is complicated.
You are stuck in a crucial phase. You try to put away all your abstract thoughts. Trying to live, trying to survive. The apprehension that no one understands. Depression cannot be summoned up in one image or one blog post. It's a mental illness, which can be isolating and lonely. It's a vicious cycle of you isolating yourself from the world and the world not being able to reach to you due to the obvious isolation you are in. This isolation in return leading to anxiety as you have been away from everyone for so long that you don't believe anymore that you fit in.
I don't mean to get to a conclusion and give you a solution for depression and anxiety. Because if there was a solution I would've used it first. I'm just here to make people aware of it. To spread a word. To tell everyone, Let's not underestimate anxiety and depression among people by saying, "It's just a phase".
Share this post to spread awareness and comment down below if you have anything to say related to this post. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety or both.. Stay strong. You will make it through. Take care ❤x
12 December 2018
A Little Flame’s Lesson
Once upon a time, a group of children were camping in the middle of a big, dark forest. After a night filled with stories and laughter, it was finally time for them to head home. They packed up their things and, as one last step, poured the last of their water onto the campfire to put it out. But when the water hit the flames, the fire didn’t go out completely—one tiny spark, a Little Flame, was still glowing, dancing in the dim light.
The Little Flame flickered for a while, crackling gently in the soft breeze. And then, something amazing happened: the Little Flame blinked! Tiny hands and legs began to form, and before long, there stood a bright, curious Little Flame, looking around in wonder at the vast night sky above.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a scrap of paper floated down and landed near Little Flame. He looked at it curiously, not sure what it was, and tiptoed over to touch it. As soon as he did, the paper caught fire and turned into ashes in seconds! To Little Flame’s surprise, he grew just a bit taller. Delighted, he let out a joyful laugh, his tiny voice echoing through the trees.
As the breeze swept bits of paper, dried leaves, and twigs around the campsite, Little Flame got an idea. He bounced over to every scrap he could find, burning each one with a cheerful sizzle. And every time he burned something, he grew just a bit bigger. The Little Flame was overjoyed—he felt strong, powerful, and more alive than ever!
But in his excitement, Little Flame didn’t notice he was leaving trails of fire behind him. As he wandered through the forest, burning every little thing he could find, he left tiny flames in his wake. By the time he looked back, his eyes went wide with shock—his flames had spread all through the forest, creating a huge fire all around him!
Little Flame, who had been so happy to grow bigger, now felt a deep sadness. He hadn’t meant to hurt the forest; it was his home. Worried and scared, he tried holding his breath, hoping he could shrink back down to his little size, but it was too late. The flames had spread too far. He closed his eyes, shivering, wishing with all his heart that he could make it all go away.
Just then, Little Flame felt something cool and strange tickling his fiery body. He looked up and saw water pouring from the sky, sparkling like tiny stars as it fell. The Fire Brigade had arrived, hoses in hand, sending waves of water splashing down onto the forest. Little Flame felt himself shrinking, smaller and smaller, as each drop hit him with a soft hiss.
Before long, the great fire had been put out, leaving behind only blackened trees and soft piles of ash where the green forest had once stood.
As the last wisps of smoke drifted away, Little Flame was gone, leaving behind a quiet, grey forest and an important lesson that sometimes, even the smallest things can have the biggest impact.