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                                                        Dust, Dreams and Memories                                                           ...

28 December 2018

By the Magic Fountain...

Before you start reading just wanted to thank everyone for all the lovely reviews and suggestions you give. Also, please keep in mind that this story is freely available to read on my blog, it is copyrighted, and not available to share anywhere else by anyone, except on my official blog. You can share the link to my blog, but you cannot copy-paste the content from my blog. That is strictly prohibited.

Enjoy this originally posted story for a limited time, exclusively for my blog readers. I hope you enjoy, thank you, and keep reading. Don't forget to comment and share this post with your friends and family. Thank you again and be safe. 💙


                   I saw a little girl by the fountain today as my bus drove past her. I had just left my office and was on my way home. She was standing there in a white frock with pastel blue laces for the frill and a matching hairband. "What a cutie I thought." 
It was almost Christmas and the roads were full of people hustling, yet she stood out in that crowd. I reached home, finished my chores, had my dinner, and went to sleep. Next day after my office I took the same bus. I almost forgot about that little girl, as the fountain there was a tourist spot and it's being visited by hundreds of people. It was nothing special. But I saw her again today as my bus drove past the fountain. She was sitting this time on the edge of the fountain, moving her legs, looking here and there. I saw she held something in her little hands but couldn't really see what, as my bus quickly drove past. "What a surprise! I didn't think I would see her again today." I thought to myself. I reached home, went about my usual chores. I thought to myself," if I see her tomorrow I will try to get her attention." 

Surely I didn't want to get down and go to her. Her parents must be around I thought, and maybe I was just feeling too awkward to do so. Next day on my return journey I saw her again. Sitting there on the edge looking here and there. I looked through the window of my bus with a big smile. I tried to wave in her direction. One could easily tell how excited I seemed. Unfortunately, I couldn't grab her attention. I sat there on the bus disappointed thinking, Maybe I should've got down. I reach home thinking, tomorrow I will try my best to get her attention. I did all my chores, had dinner and tried to sleep. I couldn't stop thinking about that little girl. I had no idea who she was. I didn't know her name. I never saw her before. But seeing her every day now. Would make me soo excited. I wasn't a paedophile of some kind, but seeing her with her cute dresses with something clenched in her little hands made me curious. I had questions in my mind as to, who was she? Why was she there alone? What was she doing there every day at that exact same time?

 It was Christmas tomorrow. I'm always working on Christmas nights too. But this time i thought to take an off. I didn't think much as to why but i made up my mind to take an off on the Christmas day and buy that little girl a gift, i thought to myself, by noon i would go looking for the perfect gift and by evening I would go to the fountain. Meet her, talk to her, give her the gift. The curiosity was at the peak now. I thought of buying her a little doll, Just like her. Dressed in a beautiful frilled frock, with two ponies on her head, a beautiful hairband and two tiny little shoes. My excitement didn't let me sleep that night. It was some 3 years ago when I last celebrated Christmas and Abigail was by my side. I remembered the first time I held her in my arms. She was so tiny and pink, no hair on her head and could barely open her eyes. I wouldn't leave her alone for even an hour. As she grew up she truly became a momma's girl. Tears filled my eyes as I reminisced. I soon fell asleep though, I was tired from working the whole day. 

Next day I woke up early. Finished my chores and left for shopping. I searched many stores to find the perfect doll and after searching for hours I found it. I asked them to pack it and left for the fountain. I reached near the fountain 1 hour early than the time i usually see her there. So I go to the coffee shop nearby and order a latte. I sip my latte as I sit near the window and keep a look at the fountain. Unable to tame my excitement I sip on 3 lattes. I think and I calculate," I leave by around 6 and that little girl is always here around 6:15-6:30 so maybe she comes here around... N..d..., "excuse me, mam, do you mind if I sit here." I look at this stranger. "I'm sorry, but the rest of the cafe is full and this is the only sit vacant. Hope you don't mind." He goes on. Irritated I regain my senses. Smile and tell him to sit as I was about to leave anyway. I get up and walk straight to the fountain. A lot of people walking by, some sitting on the edge of the fountain. I sit on it too.. I sit exactly where I saw the little girl on the very first day. My patience running low. Excitement is clearly visible on my face. I keep moving my body back and forth. My legs tapping on the ground and my hands rubbing against each other. I peek inside my handbag and take the gift out. I smile and remember, how once Abigail was adamant on a toy in a nearby shop. She was just 3 years old. But very smart for her age. I remembered how she threw tantrums every time I denied to buy her something or the other. I remembered her tiny hands and her chubby face. Her cute angry eyes and I giggle to myself. 

Suddenly a thought strikes, "Is it okay to give her the gift? I have only seen her, never talked. I absolutely don't know her. What if her mother is with her this time? What am I even going to tell her, who am I? And I surely don't want to come as some creep abducting children by luring them with gifts. I sigh, keep the gift on the edge of the fountain, thinking how silly it was of me to act so irrationally, I stand up, pick up my handbag. Look at the fountain for the last time, and take a step toward the bus stop.

I suddenly feel a light hold on my hand. I turn around to see that little girl holding my finger. My face lits up, My eyes twinkle and i gleamingly smile, then I kneel down and I place my hand on her tiny hand, " Hey Darling, Who are you?" I ask. A woman rushes in and interrupts, "Madison! Love, what are you doing? I stand up and tell her not to worry, and it's okay. She tells me, she's the mother and her daughter can get real chatty with anyone she meets, that's why she always has to be alert. She apologizes with an awkward smile. " Momma, Gift! A little voice interrupts. We both look down and find Madison with the gift I left on the edge, her little hands extending to me and her chubby face pouts and she looks at me, confused. I kneel down again and take the gift from her hands. She bursts out in excitement, "is there a doll inside?". Her mother in a firm tone, "Madison, No! " I giggle and say, " well, indeed there is". Would you like to have this gift? I ask Madison. Her face brightens as she hears there's a doll inside the gift and I'm asking her to keep it. She glances at her mom. Her mother interrupts, " I'm sorry we can't accept this gift. We got to go, Madiso..n..n... "It's okay, I don't mind Madison keeping this gift. In fact, I'd love for her to have it. Her mother looks at me like I'm some kind of a creep, And I don't blame her for that. 

I explain everything, how I saw Madison from my bus one day and how this gift was meant for her. I ask her to sit on the edge of the fountain with me as I explain to her everything that lead me to her daughter. She holds Madison's hand and holds her close as she hears me out. " I had a daughter named Abigail. She was just like Madison. One Christmas we were driving back home after our Christmas shopping. We bought a lot of dolls and toys. And she was sitting in the backseat playing with them as I drove us home. She dressed just like Madison and her hair was always tied up in ponies. I was driving when I looked back to check on Abby and lost control of my car because of the slippery road from all the ice that had fallen. The car crashed obviously, I survived but she didn't." I tear up as Madison's mother look at me in disbelief. I apologise to her if I may have seemed a creep and tell her my intentions were pure and I wasn't going to do anything to her daughter. I tell her that i lost my trust in the Christmas spirit and never celebrated Christmas since that accident. I also told her how seeing her daughter gave me joy and brought some of my hope back of the Christmas spirit. She gives me an accepting smile and pats on my shoulder. I smile back seeing she understands my intentions.

 Just then Madison reaches out her little hands to me and gives me a coin. I look at her confused, "What is this?" I ask. "That's a wish coin aunty, Momma gave it to me. I look at her in more confusion. She continues, " Throw it in the fountain, close your eyes and wish, and soon Abigail will be back, just like my little brother did, " she exclaims! 
I look at her mother in disbelief. Her mother explains, how she was pregnant and how excited everyone was. But there were complications and the baby was lost. She adds, " Madison was the most affected so I brought her near the fountain one day and gave her the coin and told her to make a wish. And soon When I got pregnant again, Madison thought it was because of these magic coins and fountain. Madison believes this is a magic fountain and loves to come here every day instead of going to the park. I hear her and think, " How easy it is for kids to believe in magic and how simple is happiness for them. We both look down to find Madison open the gift. I insist them to keep the gift. We all wish each other Merry Christmas and part our ways. 

I still see them every day from the window of my bus. Sometimes I see Madison with the doll I gifted. She waves at me every day and I wave back. And once in a while, I get down from my bus and we both throw some coins in, and sit and wish by the magic fountain.



21 December 2018

Untamed

She felt comfortable in the dark.
No fear, No Loneliness.
Just a peaceful Eeriness.
Dat haunted her in the most Beautiful way.

She was content with the demons inside her,
As even they were on her side.
With No Agitation in her eyes,
She stared at her shadow which seemed like a ghostly figure at that time.

The duskiness of the night seemed soothing for her.
Made her feel like a creature that could never be destroyed.
But she knew somewhere in her heart,
She was turning fragile.

Even a friendly sneer could peers her soul.
Her thoughts wandered everywhere.
But couldn't reach a Goal.
The dreams she saw were shattering.
Reality was striking her with force.

Stumbling with each step she took.
Reality killing her angels one by one, 
Her demons looked scared too.
Heart pounding, hope dying, feet crawling
Yet she couldn't be controlled.


17 December 2018

A jump out of life


                            I stood on top of the concrete balustrade of my building. The whole city was twinkling yellow and white. My hair flowing in the breeze, I could feel the wind pushing against me. I could feel my legs shaking. I trembled to the core as I stood on the cold concrete, bare feet. I looked over the edge, I could see the streets decorated in bright yellow lights. I saw a few people walking by, they looked so tiny, almost insignificant from where I was. Tears ran down my face but I swallowed and looked up. Took a deep breath, turned around, fell back, a loud thud and soon it was dark. 

It was dark, peaceful, warm and even cold at times. Sometimes, I felt something piercing my skin but it was fine. Voices echoed far away and some of them sounded so familiar. The serenity was overwhelming. I felt so calm floating in this dark sea. 

It had been a while I was floating. This darkness didn't amuse me anymore. As much as I wanted it before, I craved to see other colors. Even the silence started bothering me now. It was too silent to bear it anymore. But soon the silence was overpowered with some familiar voices. Some sobbing, some weeping. One voice overpowers the incessant sobs, " She was a wonderful woman. Why did she do this to herself?". Then another voice sobbed as I heard them say, " Wake up, please wake up, I need you." Slowly I start hearing everyone I knew, the sounds were faint but still, they were the voices I knew.

Wait, what? What is happening? I look around and find myself in a box. It is soo dark and cold. People standing over top of me, crying, sobbing. I bolt right up. I sit up, confused. I watch them cry. I turn around to where I was lying and I see... ME! My face was pale, my eyes were closed, and I wasn't breathing. I realized I couldn't feel anything. I was deprived of emotions. All I could feel was cold. Is this what death feels like?

Startled, unable to believe the situation I was in. "Wake up, wake up!!!" I yell at myself as my frail body lays lifeless in the black box. I've never before seen myself sleep. I look so peaceful, like the calm skies after a violent storm.

Hundreds of people arrived at my funeral. Some very close ones, some I knew from my past. My coffin was showered with flowers, Roses, and lilies, buried behind them I could see my favorite carnations too. There were black butterflies flying around. The mourners wore black and dark blue. I stood up. I was wearing a simple black dress which fluttered in the breeze. The air seemed colder than before and I realized no one could see me.

In the distance I see him. I walk past everyone and make my way to him as he sits on a bench, weeping. His hands on his face, crying. “I, I, I miss, I miss you." I hear him whisper. I crouch on the green grass in front of him, “I miss you too, and I'm sorry Love” I say. I watch him cry for some time then he gets up, Sad and angry. He takes one last look to where I was buried and I watch him leave as he weeps. The sun sets and the air gets colder. Everybody leaves as I sit there alone with my cold and lifeless body.

The days pass by as I sit in this darkness now, watching my lifeless body decay as the insects' feast on me. I sit here silently watching my friends and family bring flowers for me, I watch them listen to their favorite songs. I hear their stories. I watch them grow, grow without me. I watch them as they try to wrap their heads around the fact that I am no more. I watch them as there's nothing left for me to do but watch them and think to myself, "I wish I never did it. I wish I never cut my wrist, I wish I never overdosed and was put in the hospital for a week. But most importantly, I wish I never climbed that balustrade, I wish I never made that fall, I wish I would've been a little strong so today I wouldn't have been gone."


14 December 2018

Not a Phase...

You know how they say, "Do not expect anything from anyone". Unless and until you don't learn things the harsh way, you don't really comprehend things. Knowing quotes, seeing things, seeing things happen to others does not really discern you than actually experiencing things up close. I am not the most truthful person where this above-mentioned quote is concerned because I expect a lot from every other person in my life. Not materialistic expectations but expectations on an emotional, mental level.

I am an introvert, who is socially awkward most of the time. I can not talk to people before rehearsing what I have to say 100 times. Yes, social anxiety. A subject which is not well dealt with in this society we live in. There is another subject which goes hand in hand with social anxiety, and that subject is " Depression". Now, what has this to do with not expecting anything from anyone?

A lot of individuals face something unknown within them every day. A heaviness which can neither be comprehended nor can be subjugated, a heaviness of something unknown which affects their lives on a day to day basis. This heaviness can make the individual incapable of doing the simplest of tasks. I remember, once when I was with my girlfriends hanging out, having the time of my life. Suddenly a switch turned off in my brain. I switched from laughing to looking at my friends dumb, as if I wasn't present at that moment, as if suddenly I got lost somewhere, somewhere dark. Though I was physically present there, my mind had wandered off somewhere. I could see my friends laughing, joking and the only thing I could think of was, why am I like this? Why now? Why when I was having the best time with my girls? Where does this heaviness come from? And why me? I was drowning in the questions raised by my own brain when all of a sudden another question popped in my brain. This question left me startled. It had to be a couple of weeks since I started feeling this heaviness. No matter where I'd be, whenever this heaviness came and I was lost in the darker dimension of my brain, there was not a single person to notice this dissimilarity. So the question popped into my mind was, "How can they not notice it?

I have been working with them for over a year now, but then I remembered not even my parents were able to notice this change. You brought me to this world mother. I grew up in your lap daddy but it didn't matter because this heaviness wasn't something which was physically visible. Apart from a heavy heart, which I felt internally, there were no external changes in my demeanor. While I was well aware of the fact that no physical changes were visible, I still had this emptiness from people not realizing it on their own. Expectations. Expecting people to notice, to make sense of what I was feeling was obtuse of me. I can never get rid of this heaviness if all I do is expect people to help me, I can't get rid of this wretchedness hoping for someone to pull me out of it. when I am just sitting here expecting for a miracle to happen. I know that, and a lot of people do too. We know, no one can help us but Our own selves.

Our minds lost in the darker dimensions but body present here doing its thing. No change in the demeanor. No pain felt. But psychologically not able to function. What a complicated concept! Maybe that's why society doesn't really understand it. Obviously, it's too much to grasp. But I don't feel its more important to "understand" what your loved one is going through but important is to accept it and be okay with it and help them through it. Of course, if you can't comprehend things how are you going to accept and lend them your shoulders, right? As I said it is complicated.

You are stuck in a crucial phase. You try to put away all your abstract thoughts. Trying to live, trying to survive. The apprehension that no one understands. Depression cannot be summoned up in one image or one blog post. It's a mental illness, which can be isolating and lonely. It's a vicious cycle of you isolating yourself from the world and the world not being able to reach to you due to the obvious isolation you are in. This isolation in return leading to anxiety as you have been away from everyone for so long that you don't believe anymore that you fit in.

I don't mean to get to a conclusion and give you a solution for depression and anxiety. Because if there was a solution I would've used it first. I'm just here to make people aware of it. To spread a word. To tell everyone, Let's not underestimate anxiety and depression among people by saying, "It's just a phase".


Share this post to spread awareness and comment down below if you have anything to say related to this post. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety or both.. Stay strong. You will make it through. Take care ❤x

12 December 2018

A Little Flame’s Lesson

Once upon a time, a group of children were camping in the middle of a big, dark forest. After a night filled with stories and laughter, it was finally time for them to head home. They packed up their things and, as one last step, poured the last of their water onto the campfire to put it out. But when the water hit the flames, the fire didn’t go out completely—one tiny spark, a Little Flame, was still glowing, dancing in the dim light.

The Little Flame flickered for a while, crackling gently in the soft breeze. And then, something amazing happened: the Little Flame blinked! Tiny hands and legs began to form, and before long, there stood a bright, curious Little Flame, looking around in wonder at the vast night sky above.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a scrap of paper floated down and landed near Little Flame. He looked at it curiously, not sure what it was, and tiptoed over to touch it. As soon as he did, the paper caught fire and turned into ashes in seconds! To Little Flame’s surprise, he grew just a bit taller. Delighted, he let out a joyful laugh, his tiny voice echoing through the trees.

As the breeze swept bits of paper, dried leaves, and twigs around the campsite, Little Flame got an idea. He bounced over to every scrap he could find, burning each one with a cheerful sizzle. And every time he burned something, he grew just a bit bigger. The Little Flame was overjoyed—he felt strong, powerful, and more alive than ever!

But in his excitement, Little Flame didn’t notice he was leaving trails of fire behind him. As he wandered through the forest, burning every little thing he could find, he left tiny flames in his wake. By the time he looked back, his eyes went wide with shock—his flames had spread all through the forest, creating a huge fire all around him!

Little Flame, who had been so happy to grow bigger, now felt a deep sadness. He hadn’t meant to hurt the forest; it was his home. Worried and scared, he tried holding his breath, hoping he could shrink back down to his little size, but it was too late. The flames had spread too far. He closed his eyes, shivering, wishing with all his heart that he could make it all go away.

Just then, Little Flame felt something cool and strange tickling his fiery body. He looked up and saw water pouring from the sky, sparkling like tiny stars as it fell. The Fire Brigade had arrived, hoses in hand, sending waves of water splashing down onto the forest. Little Flame felt himself shrinking, smaller and smaller, as each drop hit him with a soft hiss.

Before long, the great fire had been put out, leaving behind only blackened trees and soft piles of ash where the green forest had once stood.

As the last wisps of smoke drifted away, Little Flame was gone, leaving behind a quiet, grey forest and an important lesson that sometimes, even the smallest things can have the biggest impact.

09 December 2018

Choosing happiness

In this world today, where society expects and burdens us with their standards so much, it's quiet difficult to be happy. Not all the smiles you see are because of happiness and not all the people out there, dancing and grooving are because they are happy. A lot of time it's just a get away from the hectic, draining life. being happy is not easy and choosing happiness over other emotions is not as easy as choosing ice-cream flavors. Every person perceives happiness differently. Some feel, if they go and live somewhere else, they'll be happy, they feel as if they don't belong here but does happiness really work that way? i mean, wherever you go, where-ever you stay you take yourself with you, right? what if you don't like the place you've moved to? or what if you like that place at first but then after a few months or years, the feelings of not-belonging and detachment make a re-entry in your life.. what then?

If happiness was a real person, then i would've being the person with the most conflicts with them. i always chose all the other emotions over happiness most of my life, but there comes a point in your life where you long for the feeling you've had the most conflicts with. A lot of people have conflict with love. In your entire life you will meet at least one person who will say I'm never falling in love. Love is not my cup of tea. A lot of time these are the people who have fallen in love and then got betrayed by it, But happiness doesn't work like that. one doesn't have to be betrayed by happiness to feel detached by it, then what is it? why is it that we, mostly our generation feels so detached from it? why are we longing for something which we may find within ourselves. why are we searching for it when clearly it's just like any other emotion and we can choose to be it, yet we don't and crave for the exact opposite feeling and then long for it as if it's not possible to be happy. The question here shouldn't be why are we not happy, but why aren't we choosing happiness?  

06 December 2018

Letting it out


Aren’t we all Waiting for something, someone? Something we all dream to have. Someone we all dream to know. Aren’t we always longing for Something? Something or the other. We are always looking for something, always.  


2011, I started writing poems. Something was happening to me, I couldn’t cope with it. Being an Introvert and a reserved girl, I thought writing was the only way I could express my feelings.
Day by day, situation by situation, good, bad, everything that was happening, got a place in my diary as words. 

Not everyone we meet stays in our lives forever. And that’s not even important. Important is keeping those people in heart, no matter it takes forever. People change, Time change, we move on with our lives but Memories, memories remain forever…
forever alive. We cry we regret, we miss, we wish but time, it’s gone. It ‘s never coming back and that’s the rule of life.”.  

Reluctantly writing something I don’t even think I believe. Questions burdening my mind. Why do people leave? Why don’t they come back? Do they get bored with you? Why did I meet him/her? Why do people change? Do memories really stay forever? Forever is how long? And so on.. staring at the blank wall. Should I stop writing? This is not my genre. I am not a writer. I am a Painter, An Artist. Is writing washing away the burden of my mind more than painting? Or is it just balancing? What is happening? Why is everything so confusing? Why am I so troubled? There is something, something hiding inside my mind. In the corner, a dark feeling, an emotion I can’t understand. You don’t belong here. I am a happy cheerful bubbly girl. But wait.. you.. you are making me numb.. you are making me question my own reality.. why are you doing this to me? What have I done to you? When did you enter my mind? And how did you? This darkness consuming me slowly. Day by day I don’t seem to be the person I was. The only way out.                                        "Writing".

         Depression isn’t something we write about much. It’s a taboo in our society. Someone with depression isn’t mad. He/she do not belong in a mental asylum. It’s not ok to say,  it’s nothing you are just tired, you’ll be fine. While some may figure out a way to express, Other’s may still be fighting and getting exhausted. It’s a battle between you and You. Something we are longing to overcome. Someone thinking if only they had someone who would help them overcome. Humans live their lives longing for something. When they get something, they long for another thing.
No ! no one can satisfy your longing neither can anyone take away the hidden dark feeling Depression. We sure can find a source to express. A source where we feel ourselves. I am gonna share with you one of my source, How I turned my darker, meaner, lost and lonely feelings into words and those words into poems and stories.

Keep reading and let me know what you think about my writings in the comment section below.. Thank you.

05 December 2018

Love - not an experiment

She is dreaming again. Dreaming of her life with that person she recently fell in love with.
when suddenly she finds her cheeks wet. She starts grieving over something, something that didn't go well... She looks into the darkness, mesmerizing everything that happened. She remembers every single detail.
It was 2nd of February, sitting on her bed. She was texting Sahir, a guy she met online. Internet was new to her and she was loving it. That was the only way she felt relieved from her vain life.
And not everyone on the internet is fake. Somewhere in her heart, she knew Sahir was true. The only friend she made in these past few years. He had a tragic story. He was overcoming a tragedy which happened in his life recently. He was rude when they first talked. He criticized the brief intro she wrote. But she was calm, which was unusual. She was always a short-tempered girl. There was something about him which even she wasn't aware of but she just couldn't get angry with him. She calmed him. With every rude word he used, she politely blossomed her positiveness upon him. He has had enough. He was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by the sweet nature he saw of the girl.
He now, who once criticized, wanted to be her friend. They added each other on their friend's list. He was her 3rd person to be adding and she was his first. They started chatting every day. From the first ray of sunshine to the mid of the night. They finally found someone, with whom they again learned to smile.
Suddenly,
A light blinked, she looked behind to see her mom switch on the light. She rapidly gained her conscious. She knew she was reminiscing again.
Getting the grip of her senses, she walked towards the bathroom, vigorously splashed water on her face, rubbed her eyes, tried to tame herself.
That evening went dull. With all his thoughts on her mind. As if she had a premonition of something she didn't want to happen. Her phone had a notification. She knew it was him.
She picked her phone and reluctantly tried to read his message. Tears filled her eyes, she couldn't see a single word. She closed her eyes tight. All she could do was remember his msgs sent earlier.
"Gudiya, have a lovely day. Take great care. Love you lots. Miss you. Hope to see you soon".
She remembered herself blushing, she remembered her giggles after reading his messages. She knew she was madly in love. She knew he was too. He was the only one, who made her feel so worth, that criticisms of the world didn't anymore bother her.
"will you hug me if someday in the future I wake up at midnight and made you wake up too," she asked, "of course", he said "would check if you have caught a fever, hug you tight and sleep again", he added.
"would you ever feed me with your hands when I may not be in the mood to eat"
She once asked.
"why not my Gudiya, I will get on my knees, kiss your cheek and thn feed you myself". He replied.
"Do you like chaat? I love paani puri the most. What do you prefer Shona?" she asked.
"I love all chats". He said, and I wanna see your face when you stuff paani puri in your mouth, I'm sure you would look the cutest in the world," he added.
Sahir wasn't the one who talked silly.
But for her, he would reply to the silliest questions she would ever ask him.
She was a child from her heart. She was innocent. He knew it all. He showered on her every bit of love he could. He pampered. He cared.
He was allergic to sour taste yet he said he wouldn't leave a chance to kiss her when she asked him if he would kiss her while she was eating tamarind.
Remembering his messages made her giggle. The Tears on her cheeks almost dried up.
She opened her eyes to feel a little headache. She wanted so badly to read that message but was scared.
She took some painkillers n sat weeping again.
She felt a fear rushing. It felt like deja vu. She remembered that she has had felt this way before.
She remembered asking him if their relationship's gonna work out?
On which he said, "work out or not, these kinds of talk suits on an experiment. We are meant to be together. We will try our best.
Suddenly she stopped weeping. She had a smile on her face. It wasn't a peaceful smile but rather an accepting the fact smile. She knew all he said was now gonna be all in vain. Coz the fear she had, she could see it turning into reality.
She gained courage. Picked her phone and finally read the message.
Yes, Sahir was leaving her. He said his final goodbyes through that message. he gave the reason of caste difference as he was Muslim and she was Hindu. But that is not what bothered her. She had something else on her mind. She remembered him texting her "we will try our best". But they didn't even try the least. She was disappointed. She was broken. She loved him dearly. But he was helpless. He talked to her one last time that night. He told her she was worth and she could get whatever she wants. He told her she is beautiful. He told her she is gonna be a beautiful successful lady one day. But all she could hear was, Goodbye, we are gonna drift away.
She was shattered yet was smiling.
She had an experience of her life.
She was mature now. She experienced, she knew life is not a fairy tale. Things happen. Things change. She didn't even have a pic of his. She just saw him once. But whenever she closed her eyes she remembered every detail. His perfectly chiselled face. His groovy eyes and the hair that fell on his forehead. All she could do was try to move on with her life. She took her phone saw the msg one last time. Wrote thank you take care hope you have a good life and deleted the whole chat in a matter of seconds, the chat was gone but she couldn't erase his number from her phone or her mind. She burned a cigrt, took a deep breath. Lights faded and the sun set as she waited for the new sun rise.