A jump out of life

                            I stood on top of the concrete balustrade of my building. The whole city was twinkling yellow and white. My hair flowing in the breeze, I could feel the wind pushing against me. I could feel my legs shaking. I trembled to the core as I stood on the cold concrete, bare feet. I looked over the edge, I could see the streets decorated in bright yellow lights. I saw a few people walking by, they looked so tiny, almost insignificant from where I was. Tears ran down my face but I swallowed and looked up. Took a deep breath, turned around, fell back, a loud thud and soon it was dark. 

It was dark, peaceful, warm and even cold at times. Sometimes, I felt something piercing my skin but it was fine. Voices echoed far away and some of them sounded so familiar. The serenity was overwhelming. I felt so calm floating in this dark sea. 

It had been a while I was floating. This darkness didn't amuse me anymore. As much as I wanted it before, I craved to see other colors. Even the silence started bothering me now. It was too silent to bear it anymore. But soon the silence was overpowered with some familiar voices. Some sobbing, some weeping. One voice overpowers the incessant sobs, " She was a wonderful woman. Why did she do this to herself?". Then another voice sobbed as I heard them say, " Wake up, please wake up, I need you." Slowly I start hearing everyone I knew, the sounds were faint but still, they were the voices I knew.

Wait, what? What is happening? I look around and find myself in a box. It is soo dark and cold. People standing over top of me, crying, sobbing. I bolt right up. I sit up, confused. I watch them cry. I turn around to where I was lying and I see... ME! My face was pale, my eyes were closed, and I wasn't breathing. I realized I couldn't feel anything. I was deprived of emotions. All I could feel was cold. Is this what death feels like?

Startled, unable to believe the situation I was in. "Wake up, wake up!!!" I yell at myself as my frail body lays lifeless in the black box. I've never before seen myself sleep. I look so peaceful, like the calm skies after a violent storm.

Hundreds of people arrived at my funeral. Some very close ones, some I knew from my past. My coffin was showered with flowers, Roses, and lilies, buried behind them I could see my favorite carnations too. There were black butterflies flying around. The mourners wore black and dark blue. I stood up. I was wearing a simple black dress which fluttered in the breeze. The air seemed colder than before and I realized no one could see me.

In the distance I see him. I walk past everyone and make my way to him as he sits on a bench, weeping. His hands on his face, crying. “I, I, I miss, I miss you." I hear him whisper. I crouch on the green grass in front of him, “I miss you too, and I'm sorry Love” I say. I watch him cry for some time then he gets up, Sad and angry. He takes one last look to where I was buried and I watch him leave as he weeps. The sun sets and the air gets colder. Everybody leaves as I sit there alone with my cold and lifeless body.

The days pass by as I sit in this darkness now, watching my lifeless body decay as the insects' feast on me. I sit here silently watching my friends and family bring flowers for me, I watch them listen to their favorite songs. I hear their stories. I watch them grow, grow without me. I watch them as they try to wrap their heads around the fact that I am no more. I watch them as there's nothing left for me to do but watch them and think to myself, "I wish I never did it. I wish I never cut my wrist, I wish I never overdosed and was put in the hospital for a week. But most importantly, I wish I never climbed that balustrade, I wish I never made that fall, I wish I would've been a little strong so today I wouldn't have been gone."