Not a Phase...

You know how they say, "Do not expect anything from anyone". Unless and until you don't learn things the harsh way, you don't really comprehend things. Knowing quotes, seeing things, seeing things happen to others does not really discern you than actually experiencing things up close. I am not the most truthful person where this above-mentioned quote is concerned because I expect a lot from every other person in my life. Not materialistic expectations but expectations on an emotional, mental level.

I am an introvert, who is socially awkward most of the time. I can not talk to people before rehearsing what I have to say 100 times. Yes, social anxiety. A subject which is not well dealt with in this society we live in. There is another subject which goes hand in hand with social anxiety, and that subject is " Depression". Now, what has this to do with not expecting anything from anyone?

A lot of individuals face something unknown within them every day. A heaviness which can neither be comprehended nor can be subjugated, a heaviness of something unknown which affects their lives on a day to day basis. This heaviness can make the individual incapable of doing the simplest of tasks. I remember, once when I was with my girlfriends hanging out, having the time of my life. Suddenly a switch turned off in my brain. I switched from laughing to looking at my friends dumb, as if I wasn't present at that moment, as if suddenly I got lost somewhere, somewhere dark. Though I was physically present there, my mind had wandered off somewhere. I could see my friends laughing, joking and the only thing I could think of was, why am I like this? Why now? Why when I was having the best time with my girls? Where does this heaviness come from? And why me? I was drowning in the questions raised by my own brain when all of a sudden another question popped in my brain. This question left me startled. It had to be a couple of weeks since I started feeling this heaviness. No matter where I'd be, whenever this heaviness came and I was lost in the darker dimension of my brain, there was not a single person to notice this dissimilarity. So the question popped into my mind was, "How can they not notice it?

I have been working with them for over a year now, but then I remembered not even my parents were able to notice this change. You brought me to this world mother. I grew up in your lap daddy but it didn't matter because this heaviness wasn't something which was physically visible. Apart from a heavy heart, which I felt internally, there were no external changes in my demeanor. While I was well aware of the fact that no physical changes were visible, I still had this emptiness from people not realizing it on their own. Expectations. Expecting people to notice, to make sense of what I was feeling was obtuse of me. I can never get rid of this heaviness if all I do is expect people to help me, I can't get rid of this wretchedness hoping for someone to pull me out of it. when I am just sitting here expecting for a miracle to happen. I know that, and a lot of people do too. We know, no one can help us but Our own selves.

Our minds lost in the darker dimensions but body present here doing its thing. No change in the demeanor. No pain felt. But psychologically not able to function. What a complicated concept! Maybe that's why society doesn't really understand it. Obviously, it's too much to grasp. But I don't feel its more important to "understand" what your loved one is going through but important is to accept it and be okay with it and help them through it. Of course, if you can't comprehend things how are you going to accept and lend them your shoulders, right? As I said it is complicated.

You are stuck in a crucial phase. You try to put away all your abstract thoughts. Trying to live, trying to survive. The apprehension that no one understands. Depression cannot be summoned up in one image or one blog post. It's a mental illness, which can be isolating and lonely. It's a vicious cycle of you isolating yourself from the world and the world not being able to reach to you due to the obvious isolation you are in. This isolation in return leading to anxiety as you have been away from everyone for so long that you don't believe anymore that you fit in.

I don't mean to get to a conclusion and give you a solution for depression and anxiety. Because if there was a solution I would've used it first. I'm just here to make people aware of it. To spread a word. To tell everyone, Let's not underestimate anxiety and depression among people by saying, "It's just a phase".


Share this post to spread awareness and comment down below if you have anything to say related to this post. If you are suffering from depression or anxiety or both.. Stay strong. You will make it through. Take care ❤x