Dealing with Depression, symptoms and solutions #4

•  Oh, you fell and bruised yourself? Just apply this cream.

• Ouch! Did you fracture your arm? Get it plastered or put a cast around it.

• Oh, your back is hurting? You need to get a painkiller injection dude.

• Headache and cold? Just take a crocin man.

• Oh, fever? Take paracetamol and rest for a while, you will be fine.

• I'm thinking of visiting a doctor dude. Yes, you should, maybe get a full body checkup too, I will give you this number of my family doctor, he is really good.

• Depression? There is nothing like depression chill it's a phase, you ignore it and you will get over it.

• Therapist? What therapist?

• Psychiatrist? Kyu Tu Pagal thodi hai psychiatrist ke pass Jaane? (Why, Are you mental to visit a psychiatrist?)

When did our society decide to give priority and importance to certain illnesses and not even ignore but just plain deny certain illnesses?

So this will be my last blog post on this topic we were discussing since the last few days. Obviously, I will be posting other stuff related to mental health and I will also be posting my OG stories but just for this topic, This is going to be the last post and I will try to cover all the symptoms and all the solutions in this post itself.

I told you about a couple of symptoms like,

1. Daydreaming
2. Sadness
3. Hopelessness
4. Emptiness
5. Fatigue and exhaustion
6. Guilt
7. Worthlessness
8. Helplessness

Obviously, the symptoms don't end here. So one by one let us see what the rest of the symptoms are and also what you can do to overcome it.

Symptoms:

1). The first symptom we are going to talk about today is one of the most underrated symptoms of depression. It is also one of the symptoms that are misunderstood and never really associated with depression but it is more associated with the personality and the nature of the person. It is none other than frustration, anger or irritability.

  A lot of people including the researchers and therapists have mix feelings about anger as a symptom of depression. They do not really associate anger with depression. But I just tend to disagree with them and think anger and depression do have a strong connection. Now obviously I'm not from the science field, and obviously, the researchers are more educated then I am but what I have observed throughout these years, while I was going for my treatments or just from suffering from it, is that anger is a symptom of depression but when you add anger to the mixture, it doesn't come alone, personality disorders, bipolar or BPD follows it. In my case, it is BPD i.e. Borderline personality disorder.

I remember once I was really angry at something, I don't remember what but someone said to me, "Terko depression hai na? Toh tu gussa kyu ho Rahi hai? Terko to Rona chahiye" (You have depression so why are you angry you should be crying) and I didn't really understand then what the person meant. Now I do of course because I have come to this realisation that people have associated depression with only being sad and always crying. That is not the case, however. Because Anger, irritability and frustration are symptoms of depression. If you have these symptoms and you are consulting any psychiatrist, you should inform them about this symptom because there are chances they may change your medication.

You may be thinking why is anger not associated with depression? Now for that, we have to first understand what anger is. What is anger? It is an emotional outburst people use when they feel threatened by someone or something. If i have to quote google word by word then, "Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong." So when you think of a person with depression you only think of them having feelings like sadness, hopelessness and you don't really see a depressed person to have an outburst of anger. It is our assumption why this symptom goes unnoticed or is not associated with depression. It is we who speculate that the anger most likely will be projected inward.

It is actually considered good if a person with depression has emotional outbursts because it helps them be relieved of the distress which may be building up inside. In some individuals though who mostly project their anger inward, towards themselves, they may become a victim of this other symptom which we will talk about in some time.

2). So this next symptom we are going to talk about is sleep deprivation or sleeping too much and the loss of appetite or eating too much.

The first thing to keep in mind is that the hours of sleep you get at night and your mood throughout the day are interconnected. Your sleep can affect your mood likewise your mood can affect your sleep. If you are diagnosed with clinical depression it is likely that you may suffer from sleep deprivation or you may sleep excessively.

a). I have personally suffered from both. Until a few years back, I could sleep for 14-16-18 hours straight. I remember my dad calling me 'Kumbh Karan'. Just staying awake seemed exhausting for me, and being an overthinker, which is also one of the symptoms of depression. I would burden my mind with as many thoughts i could. Even staying awake seemed tiring, my body would ache, my brain would feel heavy and i would automatically just shutdown. Even now sometimes, when something really bad happens, like a past few days or weeks when people i knew died, or last year when a childhood friend of mine died. I couldn't cope up with the emotional burden and I slept for many many hours straight. A lot of people suffering from depression may be able to relate to what I'm saying. And it really doesn't have to be someone's death, just immense emotional burden and an excess amount of sadness can make people suffering from depression sleep for more hours than usual.

b). That was excessive sleeping, now people may also not seem to sleep, or be sleep-deprived, which I face now, since a few years. The longest I have gone without sleeping and I remember I was updating my Instagram every hour or so, it was a year or so back, i just couldn't sleep. I tried, but i couldn't. I went without sleep for almost 4 days straight, no naps whatsoever. It was one of the worst times in my life. I got a really bad headache, fever, I wasn't well for a couple of days. Everyone told me I should sleep. What they didn't understand was, i did try sleeping, but i couldn't. There may be many causes of sleep deprivation such as stress, hectic schedule, overthinking, a medical condition, hormonal imbalance, or a sleep disorder itself. You can also suffer from sleep deprivation because of your personal choices. Most of us, we don't follow a sleep schedule instead we surf on our mobile phones, we watch television, some people read books or some of us prefer to socialize with friends, which may lead to sleep deprivation and then depression. Also, note that if you have sleep disorder it doesn't mean that you have depression but sleep disorders may cause depression if left untreated.

c). Now let's talk about the loss of appetite. when you are depressed your brain and your body goes through a roller coaster of emotions which in result makes you feel stressed and your willingness to eat is lost. So basically short-term but intense stress makes you eat less because your brain is producing appetite-suppressing hormones which put eating on hold and allow your body and mind to focus on the issues in hand. Your unwillingness to eat is basically a chemical imbalance in your brain so that your body and mind can focus on other important issues. Now obviously you know what will happen to your body if you do not eat for a long period of time. some may eventually overcome the poor eating habits while some others may require professional help and support.

If you are suffering from the loss of appetite and it is not because of depression but weight-related issues. I know this is off topic but Let me tell you this, as long as your health is not at risk, your physical appearance does not matter. You may be short, tall, fat or thin, as long as you accept yourself and love yourself for who you are, others opinions do not matter.

I have been fat my whole life. I have been socially embarrassed, I have been judged, I have been told to lose weight, I have been told that I will look beautiful if I lose weight. I remember there was a time when these statements or such negative behaviour of people towards me affected me to the extent where I tried to self harm myself. But as I grew up I realised, everyone has opinions about everything. And you cannot please every single human being in your life. Now, none of the opinions of other people affects me, and most people have just stopped shaming me, seeing i don't give a sh*t about their opinions.

  So when you stop satisfying their egos, they will stop judging and shaming you. Do not stop eating if someone tells you that you are fat rather educate them and tell them, just because you have hair it doesn't mean you are a 'hair', just because you have nails, doesn't mean you are a 'nail'. Likewise, I have fat, I am not fat. Fat is a macronutrient just like protein, And I am not a macronutrient, I'm a human being. There is more you can say, but i will keep that for some other post.

People will only judge you when you will allow them to. Once you start accepting yourself the way you are and not bother about what people are saying they will eventually stop and accept you the way you are. Tell them that you love yourself the way you are, accept your body and your mind the way it is and cherish it. Anyway, let's move on.

d). Excessive eating or stress eating is another common symptom of depression. Just like intense stress can release appetite-suppressing chemicals, in the same way, in some people, the brain releases some chemicals which gives your body an adrenaline boost and makes some people suffering from depression constantly hungry. A lot of times when people suffering from depression overeat, it is because they are not satisfied and they use eating as a coping mechanism. They probably eat for emotional relief as opposed to eating because you're hungry. People who overeat most likely do it to numb the feelings of sadness, hopelessness and emptiness. Also, keep in mind that binge eating can be an early sign of depression. The chemical changes in your brain when you have an eating disorder and when you have depression are exactly the same. so sometimes it also becomes difficult to distinguish between an eating disorder and depression.

3). So the symptom I'm going to talk about right now is something I experience every single day. Seeing the person I was before, or a few years back or when I was in school and the way depression and it's symptoms, affected my life, if you know me since I was a kid, you will know that this symptom particularly has turned my life upside down for worst. The symptoms we are going to talk about are trouble in concentration, remembering things or details, and making decisions. Anxiety can also be the underlying cause of these symptoms and people suffering from both anxiety and depression are more likely to suffer from these symptoms.

I was a smart and bright student. I was a ranker, won all the competitions I took part in, basically an A grade student. Then slowly steadily things took a turn for the worst. A toxic atmosphere I would say I was living in. I'm not comfortable getting into details at the moment. So I will spare the details at least for now. I wanted to be a psychologist as a kid, not a psychiatrist but psychologist, there's a difference, one of them is psychologists do not prescribe medicines. Anyway, I also used to, I still do, draw really good. People always complimented me on how good my drawings were, as I grew up, I grew up to be a socially anxious girl, going on stage as a kid with full confidence, doing plays, winning elocution competitions, to just being afraid and anxious to even look at the crowd. Yet I tried under peer and parental pressure and failed miserably. The burden of the emotional and educational stress was too much to handle for that little girl, and I miserably collapsed. I forgot what I wanted to do in life. I forgot what I wanted to be. Making decisions on my own, for myself seemed one heck of a task, I forgot about my ambitions and just gave in to whatever my parents, sibling or friends decided for me.

This particular symptom at first compare to others may seem the least concerning but believe me this is one of the most toxic symptoms of depression. When you have trouble concentrating on a certain thing, let's say studies when you don't study, you fail. When you fail, you are not able to achieve the dreams you set for yourself and when you can't do that you feel hopeless. In the end, when you suffer from immense hopelessness and sadness it is likely that you will suffer from depression at some point. Now, this was just an example to tell you guys what these symptoms can do. There may be many other things and ways that these symptoms may affect your life. If you are suffering from any of these symptoms, please talk to a friend or a family member or the best thing to do, consult a therapist, a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

4). Remember when we were talking about the first symptom and I said that people who project the anger inwards or towards themselves may become a victim of another symptom? The symptom we are going to talk about right now is a very destructive symptom. Not many people will understand the mindset of people who are the victim of this symptom in depression. This symptom may seem vague and not acceptable by society. But we cannot deny the fact that this is, in fact, a very serious symptom and millions of people every year are a victim of this symptom, they suffer from this symptom and many people lose their lives because of this symptom. Self-injury and self-harm, suicidal thoughts and suicide.

This is the symptom which a lot of people are secretive about but it is also the most common symptom in depression. I really don't think I need to tell you what self-injury and self-harm, suicidal thoughts and suicide is. Yet I should tell you that a lot of teenagers or adolescents have this habit of self-harming by cutting themselves to be relieved of emotional burden, stress and to basically feel something more than the emotional pain. In short, self-harm basically means hurting yourself on purpose. It can mean you cut yourself with a sharp object, you pull your hair in anger, you burn yourself or you prevent a certain wound from healing by constantly picking at it.

A lot of people use self-harm as a coping mechanism. I know I do. Self-harming for some can be a way to release mental pain. I know there are other ways and I will be giving the solutions shortly but self-harm is something very personal to me, something I have constantly done to cope with the mental pain. It is also something you cannot explain to people who have never experienced mental pain on a level you may have. For some people self-harming can be of shame due to the permanent scars and burns, from cutting and burning. But for some, it is just a way of life and just a coping mechanism. obviously, I am not promoting self-harm but sometimes with severe clinical depression there comes a time in life, when people suffering from all these, soo many symptoms, fall in such a dark abyss in their life that they feel the only escape from the immense pain they are in is self-harm, self-injury or suicide.

Other than cutting and burning there are other ways people may try to self harm such as drinking excessive alcohol, doing drugs, performing risky or life-threatening stunts, or even little things which we will most likely ignore such as crossing the road carelessly, et cetera.

We need to understand that self-harm or this symptom, in particular, is not a mental illness rather it is a coping mechanism. This symptom is most common in people suffering from depression, anxiety, eating disorders, borderline personality disorders and post-traumatic depression and disorders. Self-harm, in particular, is a symptom which will most likely occur in teenagers or young adults, it may also occur later in life depending upon the trauma a certain person is coping with. Also, a kid who is suffering from trauma, neglect or abuse may likely be a victim of this symptom. The person who is suffering from immense anger, frustration and irritability, the first symptom we talked about today, is more likely to be a victim of self-injury.

The person who is a victim of this symptom is stuck in a dangerous and a destructive cycle, his anger, frustration and irritability may lead him to self-injury then this self-injury leads to guilt and shame. The guilt and shame may lead to more negative emotions. These negative emotions again lead to self-injury. Then there comes a point in life where self-injury and self-harm may not seem to relieve the mental and emotional pain as much as it used to, that is when a person falls prey to suicidal thoughts and suicide.

Now let's talk about all the solutions there are to cope up with these symptoms of depression.

Solutions

1). So if you are an individual with a knack for creativity, you should definitely dive head in first in the creative spectrum of your life whenever you can. I know not everyone has the time but every single person on this planet is doing a 9 to 5, 9 to 7, 9 to 9, 9 to 11 job. At least once or twice a week, take some time out for yourself. Write a poem, paint or sketch painting, click pictures, write a song or sing a song maybe.

Just like you keep an excel sheet at work, make a personal excel sheet, give yourself some creative tasks, and accomplish them.

2). Take a shower, a long shower with scented body wash or exfoliator, feel that foam, put on some good music, and groove to it while bathing. Now, this may seem like a solution for girls, but boys and men i am talking to you guys as well. Don't be ashamed. If showering is not your thing then pamper your beard and cheeks with some good smelling aftershave, use some rejuvenating product of which smell will tingle for a while. Do it on Sunday if you can't every day or more than once a week. Pamper yourself.

3). If you are into cooking then make a nice homecooked meal for you. Something special, it can be your favourite dish, dessert, something you tried at a restaurant, anything but for you or your special ones, let's not be selfish here, but if you can make something for your own self to make you feel special, Then just go ahead do it. If you are not into cooking then order some nice hot meal, something you haven't tried before. We have soo many options now, there are soo many restaurants and cuisines. So treat yourself with something special.

4). If you are into gardening and you have a nice balcony or something, you can go plant some seeds or pamper the ones you already have. If you don't feel like getting your hands dirty. You can just go and sit by the plants, breathe in the fresh air, take some selfies or pictures, read a book by the plants.

5). Obviously, you can always watch a movie, play a game, also you can google, 'easter eggs or things you didn't notice about a certain movie', and find interesting trivia about the movie or show you are watching which will only make your experience more fun and interesting.

6). If you are into Gymnastics, yoga, dance, if you like exercising, you can put some groovy music and swing your body to the tune. If you can do it in an open space, like your balcony, terrace or a park, then definitely go for it. If you are anxious, then I will suggest you do it at your own comfortable spot, if you still feel like going out, then go along a friend you trust.

7). This is for people who self-harm. I read this and tried it a few years ago. It did work ultimately but I didn't really heed it, But if you can then you definitely should.

a). Buy yourself a rubber wristband. If you are not into wearing anything on your wrist or If buying a band is not possible, then use a rubber band, the one we use to seal things.

b). Anytime you feel like, self-harming, wear that rubber band on your wrist.

c). As the urge to self-harm kicks, snap the rubber band on your wrist until the feeling for self-harm is gone.

Now I know some people may not agree with this solution. But take it from someone who has been self-harming since she was 12 years of age. I have permanent scars from cutting I can't get rid of and i wish someone told me earlier as a kid of this technique Because a day of swelling sounds much better than a whole lifetime of scars. So yes, this technique, this solution may sound, violent maybe, but this violence is nothing compared to the violence when there is blood dripping down the wrist.

8). Now, raise your hands if you don't like Chocolates? Okay, i see a lot of hands up, we will find something else for you guys, but those of you who love chocolates, I will suggest you keep a stash of chocolate in your pouch or bags or wallet. Nowadays you get these tiny chocolates, so you can keep those in your bag or wallet and eat them whenever you feel down. Those people who don't eat chocolates can eat Mints, or jellies, or hard candies. If you are not into any of these, then you can eat flavoured saunp(fennel seeds), khadi saakhar( I don't know if you have heard this before, in Marathi it is called khadi saakhar, these are tiny cubes of sugar, you can find them in any grocery shops) Or dry fruits and nuts. If anyone is wondering why am i suggesting eating, it is because eating your favourite things release adrenaline, the feel-good chemical, which makes you feel good of course.

9). I understand, not everyone is into animals, but some of you who do love animals, can carry a small biscuit packet with them every day in their bags or you can buy of course but whenever you get time, maybe you are at work or during lunchtime or tea time, you are out and see any animal, mostly street dogs you will find, but feed them, pet them, obviously wash your hands once you are in the office but helping someone also helps your brain release the feel-good chemical. So go ahead, don't be shy, help someone in need.

10). This is one of the simplest one but, it really helps. Early morning or in the evening, when the sun is not at it's hottest. Get out and get sunlight. Sunlight can actually help you boost your mood. Let the sunrays dance on your cheeks and tingle your skin. Close your eyes and feel the breeze. Make sure to watch a sunset or a sunrise at least once or twice a week. If you can do it every day or more than once a week. Just do it. Also, make sure your whole focus is on you, yourself, your inner self, the Sunrays, and the breeze, no cellphones, no disturbance.

11). Find all the things that make you happy, like photos albums and memories you may love to reminiscence, childhood toys you may still have, the first love letter you wrote or a poem or song you wrote, a favourite painting of yours or a childhood diary you still have, things related to your family members or pets which remind you of happy things, anything that brings back happy memories, put everything in a box in a secure manner, now put the box somewhere from where you can access it easily. Whenever you feel down or you are in need of relief, pull out this box and look at all your favourite things.

Whenever you feel suicidal, try to distract yourself by doing one of the above tasks, or any of the tasks mentioned earlier in my blog. The best solution to this feeling is a distraction. Hug a pillow or your pet tight, if you are away from your loved one and try to distract your mind with other things. It is difficult for me to say this, with suicidal thoughts in my own mind. But suicide is really not the solution. It sounded soo fake of me to say that. But it is the truth. No matter how tough the days seem. You have to hold on. If nothing helps and you feel like you have no one left you can share your true feelings with. Drop a message down in the comment box. I will reach to you.

I already gave away a few solutions earlier so I am not going to mention them again. I am trying to not repeat what I already wrote. So if you find solutions like writing down your feelings, connecting with friends and family, missing, then I have already told you guys these solutions. You can check out my earlier blogposts by scrolling down.

I read this quote somewhere, 'From the outside, looking in, it's hard to understand. From the inside, looking out, it's hard to explain'. It sums up everything soo well. Anyway, I'm not an expert. So all the solutions I talked about are mostly which I have personally executed and they have helped me, some are which i feel they will help, even if i don't do them regularly. Everyone is built differently so what may work for me. It may or may not work for you. If you are not satisfied with the solutions I mentioned and you have anything you do that you think may help other people, feel free to write down those things in the comment section below. Thank you for reading, don't forget to share it with people who you think may find this blog helpful. Take care you guys, be safe.