Loving Myself: A Love Story in Progress

I wrote this a while back, could be months, could be years, honestly, can’t remember.

While working on some new, more polished literary-style short stories, I accidentally stumbled upon this old piece I wrote for my blog buried in my Evernote app. Never got around to posting it, so here we are. I gave it a quick edit because, Well, when I wrote it, I was definitely not having the best day. The write-up was pretty spiteful if you ask me, but I have tried to lighten it up. Hopefully, you’ll find something useful in this little rant about self-love below. Enjoy!

Self-love. What a lovely concept, right? Except when you’re the one trying to actually love yourself. For me, it’s like being in a relationship with the most complicated, moody, unpredictable person I know: Myself. Some days, we are BFFs sharing ideas, inside jokes, binge-watching our favourite shows, and hyping each other up in front of the mirror. Other days? Let’s just say I can’t stand the sight of myself. I’ll catch my reflection and think, “Ugh, really? You again?”

Sometimes Loving oneself can be like trying to hug a cactus. It’s awkward, painful, and sometimes, it feels like it’s just not worth it. There are days I want to be proud of myself, but then my inner critic shows up pointing out all my flaws. “Oh look, another bad decision! Ugh! Over thinking again? Nice work!” THANKS BRAIN! Really helpful! And the hardest part of self-love is loving yourself when life already feels like it’s in the shambles. For someone like me, who grew up surrounded by endless chaos and constant conflict, confidence wasn’t exactly part of my toolkit. It’s hard to look in the mirror and say, “I love you” when all you see in the background is a montage of past traumas, failures, and awkward moments that you would really, REALLY like to forget.

Sometimes, I question myself, Is loving my own self even worth it? but I have to try, Right? At the end of the day, life doesn’t pause for anyone. There are bills to pay, chores to tackle, and a world to navigate that couldn’t care less about my emotional balance. And don’t even get me started on family dynamics. I mean, I love my family (in theory), but let’s just say they don’t always make this whole “healthy mindset” thing easy. Some days, it feels like I’m running a marathon with a backpack full of bricks and each brick has a different family drama carved on it. But even on those awful days, I somehow get up, pull up my pants (many a time, literally), and just keep going. I may drag myself through the day, questioning my entire existence, but hey, I survive. And surviving is no small feat. Self-love doesn’t magically erase all the bad stuff, but it does give the tiniest boost of confidence to face life head-on. It’s like putting on armour before going into battle, even if the armour has a few dents and holes.

Loving ourselves doesn’t mean we have to think that we are perfect. But it means giving ourselves grace marks for our imperfections. It’s about saying, “Okay, you messed up, but you’re trying, and that’s enough.” It’s about forgiving ourselves for not always having it together and reminding ourselves that we don’t need to be perfect to be worthy of love, especially our own. Of course, self-love isn’t always this serious, deep, philosophical journey. Sometimes, it’s straight-up hilarious. Like the time I tried to “treat myself” with a fancy skincare routine, only to end up looking like a tomato because I’m apparently allergic to Self-care, Or when I practised affirmations in front of the mirror and ended up laughing at how ridiculous I sounded. (“You’re strong, you’re brave, and you… seriously need to work on your resting bitch face, LOL!.")

These moments remind me that self-love isn’t about getting it right all the time. It’s about showing up for yourself, even when you feel like a hot mess or just a mess is fine too. It’s about laughing at the absurdity of life and giving yourself a pat on the back for just surviving another day.

I won’t lie to you, there are days when I absolutely despise myself. Days when functioning feels impossible, and the thought of being kind to myself seems laughable. But on those days, I remind myself that self-love isn’t an all-or-nothing deal. It’s a practice, not a destination. Some days, I’ll crush it. On other days, I’ll barely scrape by. And that’s okay.

If you’re reading this and you feel like loving yourself is an uphill battle, know that you’re not alone. It’s hard, it's messy, and sometimes downright painful, but it’s also worth it. Because at the end of the day, you’re the only person you’re guaranteed to spend your entire life with. Might as well make it a relationship worth having, right?

So, here’s to all of us: the overthinkers, the underconfident, the perpetually self-doubting humans just trying to make it through. Let’s keep trying, even when it’s hard, and let’s find a way to love ourselves, one awkward step at a time and who knows? Maybe tomorrow will be better or maybe.. just maybe we will be better tomorrow at loving ourselves!